LA Part II: Sruthi

We are officially ten episodes in! To celebrate, we're (finally) sharing our second LA installment, which is a little different. We're talking to our friend Sruthi about dating in LA, of course, but we're mostly sharing the cautionary tale of her summer 2025 situationship, a month-long love-bomb-turned-nightmare that ended with a deranged journal entry and Megan hiding in the closet for backup. Best enjoyed as inspo before going through a man's backpack. 

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Hi Spencer. Hi Megan. Did you go on any fun dates this week? Um, I went on two dates. Neither were fun. Um, one was less fun than the other because, um, the guy like actually starved me. No meant, yeah, no. He He held you prisoner? Yeah, he held me prisoner and he like only allowed me to order appetizers after I had like. Not eating all day. 'cause I knew that I was going on a date that night. And Well, were you very clear? Like were you a lady or were you like No, I was, I'm hungry. I was a lady and I regret it honestly. 'cause it's like I'm not gonna see him again. I don't know why I did this, but he was basically like, I'm a vegetarian. And Oh, that's a red flag, speaks less. Right? And I was like, okay, well, like, you know, we could definitely, I'm thinking appetizers. I was like, we could definitely share some dips still. And then he goes, yeah, should we just do tapas? And then had the audacity to said, to say, don't worry, I'll let you take over. Take home the leftovers. Sorry, I just feel like the word leftovers should not be no mentioned on a date at all. Right. And I was like, there won't be any, like, what do you need? I'm gonna eat it all. Then I go to order an extra flatbread for my tapas and he is like, oh, you can just have the rest of mine. I'm not gonna finish it. Okay. So don't make me feel bad about it. Yeah. So I said, actually I'm getting another one. I'm getting another one. Um. So and so, there was like no conversation about, about transitioning to mains and at this point it's like the conversation flowing. No, he was talking. He was talking and I was eating my He was talking. He wasn't eating. Right. Exactly. I do, I um, I came to believe that he is on a GLP one. I'm actually also watching my like newest hate watch series is in Nader We Trust or Love by Nader. What? What do you mean hate watch? It was so good. It's phenomenal. It's so good. Absolutely phenomenal. It's a love watch. It is a perfect show. Yeah. I, I actually love, yeah. All four sisters. Like I love all four sisters. No, same, same, same. No, I don't like the rankings. I don't like the one that uses chat GPT all the time. Oh. She's actually my favorite. That tracks so much. The one that's friends with the girls who started Via, yeah. Right. Yeah. She's the one that actually like, has a brain and quit her job at Joy Bank. Well, but, but yeah, but it's also like a, but it woman should not be asking Chad CPT how to write a text message. That's why that's, I, it's also like third year at DB and like you're quitting your job without a plan, so. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Also, her man is very ugly. No, I mean, he's British, so that Okay. All right. Well, I knew that. Do you wanna talk about our guest this week? Yes. Um, so our guest this week was the first person that I met when I moved to the West side. Um, so kind of my, um, in some senses. My first tour guide on the west side, um, but she's got, um. She's got some real horror stories. Um, and you know, I like to think of myself as a so soldier on the front lines, but she has taken a lot more bullets than I have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she still wakes up every day and she, every Friday, and she's ready to go be the first one at Grand Blanco again. So the attitude is like so beyond Unter. It's incredible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I don't know what's in her morning coffee, but like, it, it, it needs, well, it needs to be studied and that's why we're studying it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. And that we we're so excited to hear what it is that keeps her going every day. So, okay. So enjoy guys. Yeah, this is such a good one. Um, here's Ruthie, a recent survey found that most single men and women between the ages of 18 and 34 say that they want a romantic relationship. But nearly all of those surveyed, including 91% of men, and 94% of women say they think the current dating environment is more difficult than ever. We are getting to the bottom of this with conversations with real people dating in cities across the country because our democracy is under attack. But so are our sex lives. I'm Megan. I'm single and dating in Los Angeles. I'm Spencer. I'm married, living in New York City. Welcome to Date of the Union.

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Shall we get started? Yes, please. I'm Jonesing. Welcome to Date of the Union. Ruthie. Thanks guys. We're so excited to have you. We just wanna get started with like your bio. So just give us the stats, your age, where you're from, how you've ended up in LA, and how long you've been here for. All right. Um, I'm 28 and I've been in LA for three years now. Um, I work in strategy consulting and I used to be in New York before this, um, which kinda made sense 'cause New York's kind of the hub for all that stuff, and then I just kind of got sick of being in like a shoebox and wanted a change of pace. So just shipped it off to LA. New York. York, do you see yourself ever moving back to New York? I don't know. It's tough. I love New York so much. I don't know if I could live there fulltime anymore. Maybe like certain places I could, um, like certain parts of the city, but I don't, who knows for the right, but the perfect, I mean, with a penthouse apartment, anything is possible. We would, we would love to be bi coastal. I would love to be bicoastal if I had a penthouse in Tribeca with the right man. Absolutely. Preach a good life. And where do you live in la? I live in Santa Monica. And you've always been in Santa Monica, correct? Yeah, I've always been in Santa Monica. He's been in Coastal Gal the entire time. Coastal. And question for you, because Megan didn't know a lot about LA when she moved there, so what, that's why she ended up quite literally on like, like in the heart of, of Hollywood. Yeah. I made that decision wholeheartedly because of the rooftop pool. That's very true. How did you know from the start, like where to be? Okay, good question. Um, so I had come out to LA. Twice, I guess before I moved out here and once was like family vacation with my parents when I graduated from college. But I got really lucky because they are not very big, I guess like touristy people. Like they love the beach, so we stayed out here in Marina, which is where Megan lives, um, and very close to Santa Monica. So I mean, I always was like, oh, this area is amazing. We went all around Venice, obviously we did like the walk fame and stuff, which is essentially where Megan lived. Um, but right on the stars, honey. Yeah. Megan could see the ceremonies where the celebrities were pressing their hands from her like window. I would walk to get coffee by Adam Sandler Star every day. Like was the dream. That's literally the dream. It was literally on Netflix campus. Yeah. Yeah. And she said this, this right here. This right here, what it's all about. Yeah. I've made it girls. Yeah. Um, but yeah, no, I came out here and I like visited the west side, so I just fell in love with it and I've always liked the beach and I'm very outdoorsy, so I just always liked it over here. Um, and then I came out one other time during COV and stayed out here for like a couple months and I got a place in Venice on Airbnb. So yeah, I just always was a West side girl and just never felt the need to wander past the 4 0 5. Yeah. And most people like start out in Hollywood or West Hollywood. Right. 'cause it's more central and then move to the west side it's like the most classic move. Yeah. But you just knew from the start, you know what I mean? You didn't need to, the girls got taste. Yeah. The girls got taste. I, I know what I like. And what was dating like in New York? Okay, so this is where things are really. And what age, what age were you when you were dating in New York? I think that's helpful. So I was super young. I was 22. And then, let's see, I think I literally moved here the day after my 25th birthday. Wow. So I was really young in New York. Mm-hmm. And honestly, and, and I don't even know if that age is like dating, right? Like that's, no, I didn't, I did not situation Ship City. Right. Yeah. I did not date, I was on dating apps obviously 'cause like everybody was, but I think I went on like a couple updates. Yeah. Like maybe two or three. The whole course of time I was in New York, I was like so nervous to go on app dates. It just like wasn't for me. I was in a million situation trips. Um, and it was al also like when you matched on an app, it was like, oh, are you going out this weekend? Where are you going? And you even out. So I was never like, get plans. Yeah. I wasn't like dating. Seriously. I all, I mean I And where did you, where did you live? Sorry to interrupt. Where did you live and where did you go? Out in New York? Yeah. So I lived all over the east side. I was in fight dye to start and then I was in like the classic Murray Hill, Kipps Bay. Oh yeah. Tale as old time, male, as old as time. So I was just running those parts. Yes. For three years. Murray Hill is where I found out about Walkups and that's when I knew that I wouldn't be living in New York. Yeah. Well I'm glad that you had that realization then. Yeah. Because I continued to suffer. Last question from me, is that like New York versus LA just going out dating in the wild, like meeting someone at a bar, which city do you think is more, the guys are more open to like striking up conversations, meeting in the wild? Oh, New York. Yeah. A hundred percent New York. Wow. That's fascinating. I would've thought la Oh no. Well, no. I could not agree. Yeah, New York, that's the whole problem. You know, my take on this is like when I was in New York, I was never in my apartment. I was at work, I was going to a bar after work with my friends, I would, you just bop around town. Um, you're always out and about and doing things. It's always like, oh, I'm gonna go to this happy hour and then I'm gonna go to dinner with these people. And there's so many opportunities to meet people when you're just like out and living your life. And I feel like here people are much more homebody slash like, I mean, I don't go into an office at all here. Um, or there's a lot of people who like, don't have corporate jobs, work in a lot of like, non-traditional environments, and unless you have like set plans with someone, I feel like people are a little less like spontaneous and like dying to just like see where the day takes them. Yeah. Um, everything has to be planned because it's like traffic central drive somewhere. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So it's much more planned here, I feel like, than New York is. Um, I don't know. I feel like it lends itself too to just people who are more outgoing and mm-hmm. More like down to just like start a conversation with a stranger. So you're just around strangers all day and like here you could totally avoid people. For a whole day if you wanted to, like even going on a walk outside and men actively try to Yes, totally got, they're clearly trying. So what was your first LA date? Do you remember? Yeah, I do remember. So, um, it's actually, well, I guess that's a funny story for me, but like, maybe for no one else. Matched with this guy. Um, and yeah, I mean we had like some banter, whatever, and we planned a date. I, of course didn't know where to go, so I was like asking all my roommates, where do I go? And they were like, you have to just go to Bodega. It's like the most classic date spot in Santa Monica. They have a great happy hour, huge pores. Their wine pores are like the entire glass. So I go, and the date was good. I mean, at the time I thought it was like one of the best dates I'd ever been on because it was one of the only dates I'd ever been on I like, oh my god, I have a boyfriend already. This is amazing. And goodbye New York. Just kept the good vibes going and had like two glasses of wine. So after the date, we like walk out to my car to like right around the corner and, um, we're like making out outside my car. Oh yeah. And you know, like we wanted to keep the good vibes going. So he's like, you know, should we go somewhere else? I was like, yeah. Like, we can go to like my apartment. Well you guys, he rode his bike to the dates. So literally tried to like get the bike into my car. Your car into my car. I had tiny, I'm taking what, what kind of car are we talking about? We're not talking about a hatch back here. We're talking about a true sedan. I had a Honda Civic so that no incredible the car. It was not fitting in the car. I can't even believe that I entertained even trying to get it into the car. Wait. So I swear to God, he bikes behind you to your apartment. I swear to God he was like biking behind me. I probably gotta the apartment. That's incredible. Like a minute before him and ran upstairs and was like, oh my God, you guys, I have a guy coming over right now. All my roommates are just like, what is happening? Um, and then he comes over. Wait, you also invited him back to a shared department? Yeah, I mean it was just like a totally different time for, again, I was 25 like so different. Totally, totally. It's like, of course, different time. Me too. And I thought I was in love. I was like, oh my God, this guy's amazing. You know? He's like, kick stand outside your apartment. I can't literally had to like lock, I don't even know if he locked his bike up outside my apartment. So bad. Okay, so what's your like, ideal LA man? Obviously he goes to wan, does he have to be in la Well, in this, in this reality you are dating in LA so let's, and you can be as specific as possible, but this is a man that you would meet in la Yeah. Okay. Okay. So ideal LA man is, he's a Midwest transplant or like from the south, Midwest, south transplant. He lived in New York or Chicago for a few years. Kind of got tired of it recently moved out to LA 'cause he wants like a change of pace. He, like, he's active, he likes to be outdoors. So, you know, he has some friends from college out here. He like wants to try something new. Um, he ideally works in like finance or some business job. Um, you hate creatives? I hate creatives. I mean, same. I just like lead them to understand, Or at least like, be able to just commiserate um, but yeah, he, I mean, he's ideally six, one or above dark features obsessed with me, of course. Um, he has friends, he has like good friends that he, and honestly, a lot of guys don't have friends. That's not, it's not, it's not a given, it's not a given. A lot of guys really struggle to make friends as an adult and like, I feel like I have seen that, I've been on so many dates with guys who've been like, oh yeah, like it's, it's been hard for me to meet new people. Or like, oh, a lot of my friends from college have moved away and like, I don't really have a lot of like friends out here. I feel like it's a very real thing. No, completely. I, I was listen to a podcast. I was listening to a podcast the other day and think it was like Heather McMahon and she was saying, isn't it funny that like if you ask a married man who his best friend is, he says his wife. And if you ask the wife, she's going to name off like somewhere between one and three girls. That's amazing. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, they just True. They value it in a different way. Yeah. And they make friends in high school and they keep them forever. And they're just like, I don't need, why would I need more friends? And then they move to a new city and don't know what to do. And they talk to them once a week on Xbox. Yes. Literally. Correct. Hopefully this guy's not a gamer. No, he definitely will not be a gamer. He is allowed to golf. He's allowed to. He's allowed, he's allowed. Um, I would, I would love for him to have a hobby on that note. Mm-hmm. Because I have a lot of hobbies and I have a lot of friends and like, and what would be an unacceptable hobby or like a hobby? Um, gaming. Yeah. Video games. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's probably the, the one for me where I'm like, Ooh. Yeah. I just feel like, yeah. Megan had a gamer boyfriend. Yeah. Um, we had a, we had an entire gaming station in the apartment. Yeah. And he had like a swivel chair. He looked like the evil, like captain from like Austin Powers. And it's like, it's an 800 square foot apartment and your booming station is taking up 200 square feet. Yeah. It's insane. And they see no problem with it, right? No, they see no problem with it. It was a mom. It was not even a conversation, it was just like, this is where my gaming station. Anyways. Don't, don't need to get into my trauma. We'll get to her soon enough. Um, so you would prefer like a transplant to a man from la? Yes, completely. Have you dated mostly transplants? Um, or a mix what's your issue? Or like, what's your reservation with the born and bred LA guy? Yeah. Yeah. I actually feel like it's like 50 50 the guys I've dated. Um, so I think that in the past I've struggled to just connect with them because my background is so different from theirs. Um, like their view of the world is growing up in this huge city where they had so much autonomy, so much responsibility, and they were exposed to so many things early on. And like, I mean, I had like a really like simple upbringing and like, I don't come from wealth, so I feel like I've really struggled to date guys that have, you know, the opposite background to me. 'cause I just feel like they don't under, we have like just varying values because of that. Yeah. I mean like one of an example that comes to mind is I dated a guy a couple years ago who is from LA and he was really normal in a lot of ways, but it was just like his view of the world and like, I mean. He just grew up here his old life and like grew up going to Brentwood or to like Venice when he was in high school. Right. Like on his weekends, which is like insane to me. So I think it would be easier for me to be with someone who, um, is not from here. For sure. Yeah. And also it's like LA is not the whole world like, correct. Yeah. You've lived, you've lived multiple places, like you have traveled and it's like, I, I think there are guys who went to high school here, went to USC and then moved into an apartment with their college friends mm-hmm. Or their high school friends and like truly have never even lived anywhere else. And that's totally, that's tough. 'cause it's like, even if you love la, like it's crazy to envision a world in which it's mm-hmm. The only place you've ever been. Yeah, totally. And I think I'd feel that way about any guy who was in that situation. Like if you have, if you've had the same life for your entire adult life, or like you've never moved anywhere new, you've never been outta your comfort zone, you've never had to make new friends. Like I think that there would be some, you know, differences in the way that we see the world. Because so much of my life has been changed and just like me having to be independent And speaking of, how did you and Megan meet again? You can tell the story. It's a beautiful story. Yeah. Um, so actually after the guy that I just referenced. Me and him ended things well, of course I was a little bit sad, this was a couple years ago, and my friend Remy was like, Hey, I'm going to this dinner in, um, in Santa Monica. Um, this app that I just joined essentially like tries to match you with people who are like-minded in your area, so you should come with me. It's right by you. Ended up going to the dinner with her and essentially it was a bunch of tables that they had at this, at this restaurant. They paired like six people per table. Yeah. And Megan, Remy and I were all at this table together and we all just like hit it off and it was just like. Bam, bam, bam. Back and forth. Yeah. Like, wait, what are the odds? Because they've got a couple of those apps in New York. Oh yeah. And I just don't think the success rate is the same. Well, we, we fully think it was a fluke. Like it was just like we went to another one after that. It was like Breaks, freaks and geeks. Yeah. And the other, at our table, not simpatico at all, but I had just moved to Venice and I was like, I've gotta figure out how to make friends. And I was going to like random events, but I wouldn't talk to anyone. I would just like get nervous and like at my dog park, I would just sit in the corner and read. And it's so hard, guys. It's so hard. So I did like that, like it was a dinner and they had cards on the table that you had to ask and like. Yeah. Get into conversation. That was a lot better for me just because Yeah. Right at like going up to especially girls and going up to them and like just saying hi. It's like, yeah, my God so bad. And everyone was unabashedly like on the same page. Yeah. Yeah. I think we just got very lucky. But yeah, I mean, I think that we like hit the jackpot, like we like found right. The people that we actually like vibed with. Um, and I was really looking for a corporate batty because all of my friends in Hollywood were like influencers or like worked in tech and didn't have real jobs. Respect. Yeah. It's just a, there was nothing to, to like, no similar background. Yeah. And then you found her honey and then I found her and yeah, we were just like, oh, thank God. But yeah, we just hit it off and then, you know, it was like a bunch of friend dates. Our, our second friend date was a surf lesson. Yeah. But that's amazing. Yeah. It was just like we wanted to do things and like go, so we would always, like, our group chat was just like random events. Yeah. We would just be like, okay, let's go to this. Let's go how we got into cold plunging. Like we would just try everything. That being said, other than that, like okay, so we know how you have made friends. How do you meet guys these days? Are you still using, are you still preferring the apps or are you like trying to do more meeting in the wild? What's the vibe there? I feel like I have better luck meeting in the wild. Um, apps are hard for me. I feel like the most success I've had in the last couple years has been guys that I've met through friends or in the wild. what's your stance on approaching versus being approached? Okay. Well, I'm very pro approaching, um, as we know. Wow. Um, and we will get to that. But I, so I used to be very like, well, if a guy isn't gonna approach me, then like he is a beta or whatever. Yeah. And like. I feel like that's so common. Yeah. Which I feel like there is something to be said about like if a guy is confident enough to like approach you or whatever, like that says something. But I mean, in today's day and age, I hate to say it, like these guys are so nervous and I don't really see any of them doing that really like that much at all. So yeah, it it like, and isn't it crazy that like Yeah. We, we, I think it's like such an antiquated mindset where we're like, yeah, well the men must approach us. Yeah. Like that's the way it's done. I think it really discounts the fact that like men actually are so unbelievably like nervous to interact with random women, especially if they're like beautiful women and on, and then half the time, if a guy is approaching me, unless he is drop dead beautiful, I actually think they're a creep. Yes. Ew. I'm just trying to have an out with my girlfriend so they, they can't win. Right. So true. No, completely. Yeah, completely. And they will not come up to you if you're in a group of five girls. Like let's be honest. No, you're in danger zone to them. No guy is that confident. Unless he is insane. Yeah. You know, right. So how did you, was it just like remembering this over a period of time that you got comfortable with like your confidence to approach guys? Yeah, I mean I genuinely do not care. Like I feel like I've always kind of been like, okay, well what's the worst case scenario? Like he hates me or he has a girlfriend and I never see him again. But it's just like, you know, years of rejection and knowing that it's, it's really, it's gonna be okay. Yeah. It's not that serious, like a funny story for your friends. So yeah. That's all we're ever also, or it could end up being something really special. So it's like, who are you to say? Yeah. And also I feel like we need to talk about the fact that we like to do bits and Yeah. We love doing bits too, so that helps. So it's like, it's not that you're just going up and saying like, hi, do you want my number? Like, we're going up and saying stupid shit. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. Um, can you give us please lay out a bit for us. Yes. So after Hy ran the marathon, um, we made fat Heads of her and then a poster with her Instagram on it, took it to the bar with us, made guys in the bar, take videos, kissing her, flathead, and then random guys. Random random guys. Yeah. Over over 20. And you got how many numbers that day? I mean, I probably got, I got like for sure like four or five. Instagram follows several numbers. Wait, that's incredible. Yeah. Yeah. So do that for your single friends. So on the Super Bowl, um, our, Megan and some of our other friends came up with this like, hilarious, would you rather question? And would just like gulp to random guys and, and see what they would say. And it's, it's, that's an amazing way to approach a guy because it gives them something to like respond with, you know? And the question was, would you rather, um, hook up with Jalen Hertz once or spend a week with Patrick Mahomes, just the two of you, like undivided time we had two men say that they would fuck Jalen Hertz. It was devastating. They weren't willing to put their, their homophobia aside. Yeah, yeah. Sad. 'cause a week, a day with Patrick Mahome would be right in, in a city like la you think you get some more guys that are like interested. Two guys were comfortable with their masculinity and the rest, you know, it was just sad and then, and then that's good to know. If they said Patrick Holmes, I wanna know that man. Yeah. That actually tells me way more about his character. Exactly. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. So I think. I think that's like the best one that we've had, honestly. Oh, no. We have another really good one too okay. Um, this was one that Megan gave to me actually. So all credit goes to her. We were at our favorite bar on a Friday night. I am Stone cold sober, by the way, because I was marathon training. So I had to leave soon to go to sleep, to go wake up for this run in the morning. Um, somehow we had started talking to this like, group of guys. Um, I was talking to one thought he was really cute, and then all those guys start heading out of the bar, and I was like, and my friends were like, oh, how did it go? And I was kind of bummed that I didn't get his number or anything. Megan goes, why don't you go up to him as he's leaving and just be like, Hey, I think you, I think you forgot something. My number. And I did nothing. But here's thing and what did I, I would never do that. So I of course love Ruthy lines, like I made her go up to little Guinea pig Indian guy. What was the thing that you said? Oh yeah. Well, okay, so that, I mean hilarious line. She also had made me there was, we went to some event and there was some Indian guy who I at the time thought was cute and Megan was like, well why don't you go up to him and say, I think we should make our moms happy and go on a date. And I did. And we actually go on the sideline wait. Incredible. So guys like respond well to these things. Yeah, it has worked out for me more times than it has not. And you know what, as they say, fortune favors the bold and it's been incredibly true in your experience. It has. Except it the one time. Yeah. So, yeah. Well there's a lot of times I've been ghosted to be, I would like to put that one out there. Yeah. Or a lot of times they don't text me, but there is one time in particular Yeah. That stands out above the rest. So why don't we get into it? Do share. Okay. This has been, you know, long kept under wraps. Yeah. And it's, he's ready to see first time I'm coming out publicly with this. Thank you for choosing our platform. Yeah, of course. This is something that I think would've really leveled some, some women in this country. And you're still here today laughing. Smiling, um, so I just do wanna give you a little shout out for that. Thank you. Um, let's get into it. Yeah. I live to entertain my friends, so if anything, let this be a joyous story for all of you. Um, all right. Where do I begin? Begin at the beginning, set the stage for us. Okay. So it all begins on Friday night. I am. I had just gotten drinks with my friends. My friend is like, I'm gonna call an Uber home. I offered, well, why don't you sit in my car while you wait for your Uber and we'll just like, sit here. So that's what we did. We were just sitting in my car parked, you know, right outside this restaurant, there's a bunch of people. And all of a sudden I just see a guy that was really cute walking down the sidewalk and was like, said to my friend, wait, that guy's really cute. I need to say hi to him. Mind you, she is sitting on the side of the car, in the passenger seat that is closest to the sidewalk and I'm in the driver's seat. This guy is like coming from a distance walking down the sidewalk and I just thought he was cute and it was like a gut feeling. I was like, I just need to. I need to shoot my shot here. And within 15 seconds, rolled the window down and we like flashed my lights, called him over and he, you know, we were just like, come here, are you single? Um, and so he comes over to the car like he thought something was wrong he was like, I'm about to get abducted. Yeah. And he was like, well, I'm actually like he was going into a lafonte on a date. He was like, I'm actually going into a lafonte on a date. The rest of, wait. That's insane. Imagine you're going on a date with a guy and a girl Cat calls him on the way in. Literally, he, he walked into that date with Oh yeah. 18 inch Dick Energy. Yep. Completely. I, and I did not need to give him that, but I fully cat called the guy. We started chit chatting like outside my car or like, I was sitting in the driver's seat still, he's outside my car and he's like, I'm from Kentucky. I was like, oh my God, that's amazing. Like, don't meet that many guys out here that are from close to where I'm from. Um, he is here for work, but he's only, you know, he's only gonna be here for a short period of time, but he's like, let me get your number, you know, we can go out this week. I was like, perfect. So he, I had to give him my number because my phone was dead. Um, classic sitting in the car. Um, it's like literally I'm sitting in my car too, so it's like you could have charged it, you know, but didn't even, didn't do that. Um, I fully went home that night thinking like, this guy's not gonna text me. Like, that was kind of insane of me, but hilarious. Um, and so anyways, went home that night, woke up in the morning to a text from him. He loved it. He was like, nice to meet you. Like, what are you doing? You know, this weekends. Get, you know, food or drink, whatever. Like, he ate it up and I was like, wow, it actually worked. Yeah. Um, and the next day we were like at Megan's pool with some of our friends and I'm telling everybody, I'm like, life can turn on a dime you guys one day. She's never been more optimistic. Yeah, yeah. She's literally, she's literally preaching a sermon. Preaching a sermon. I am like, one day you can be so, you know, down bad on dating. The next day you have a man who's ready to take you out. You know who loves your crazy antic? Didn't, you guys, you guys went into brunch the day after that? Yeah, so I had like a bachelorette party that night, um, that I got way too drunk at. And we planned to go get brunch on Sunday, the day after actually at a lafonte, that same restaurant that we were, that I was parked outside of. Like hilarious. He was like, I know one spot. I know one spot. I, yeah. I was like, he was like, where do you want, where's your favorite brunch place? And I said, well, I don't really like brunch, but Alfon is pretty good. You wanna head back there? Um, and we did waiter's like, alright, what's going on here? Yeah. So literally so I get my like hungover ass to a lafonte somehow. Some way. Yeah, actually. And we, I mean it was like, it was a great date. We like just hit it off. Um, we had so much to talk about. Of course I had a feeling it would be good because our banter over text was good. And I was like, I feel like if this guy is down to kind of like. Go along with my, like, my antics. He's probably like a pretty down guy, you know? Yeah. And he's probably pretty cool. So I was like, I actually felt like it was probably gonna go well. Um, and the date was great. Like we had a phenomenal date. This restaurant kicks you out after two hours. They like nudge you out. And so we honestly like, did not even realize where the time had went. And then all of a sudden the, the waiter was like, Hey, you guys, like it's coming up at the two hour mark. Like, you know, we need to turn the tables over. And both of us were like, that was, this was great. Yeah. And we just kept wanting to hang out. So, um, we ended up going to this bar, um, that we like in the area and got, you know, drinks at that bar. And the first date, like the brunch date was sober. So like. Really, we, we talked about everything from like families to how we grew up to like why he was in la past relationships. Oh, the one piece I did not tell you was while he was outside my car, when I kept called him, we were like, are you single? And he said, well, I'm recently unengaged. Oh yeah, I forgot he told you that. Mm, yeah. Did that come up at the brunch? Yes. So he brought it up. He was like, and I was planning to ask about it, but he was like, so I know I mentioned that last night. Um, I like, just wanna address it. Like, you know, we talked about why things ended. He told me that they kind of grew apart, they, you know, were kinda like feeding each other, eating into each other's bad habits. Like weren't like the best versions of each other, best of their selves with each other. Like, it all seemed like pretty like benign things to me. I kind of was like, okay, well he never talked poorly about her. He, you know, owned up to a lot of like his due, his part in. The relationship and all of that. And he also had mentioned that he was in therapy. He had like done a total 180 on his life and was like working out a ton. He said the engagement ended six months before we met. And so it kind of seems like, okay, this guy has like really shown that he's working on himself Yeah, he's putting in the work. He's putting in the work and he didn't have commitment problems. Yeah. And I was like, and honestly, yeah, he like, it seems like he likes to be in relationships. Yeah. So I was like, okay, this feels like it could be something good. And I kind of also was like, I'm gonna just note it because it, it would probably be too soon for me if it were six months after. But he made a point to be like, I haven't dated anybody since like, other than this past weekend. He was like, you are like the second date that I've gone on. Um, like I intentionally did not date, um, prior to this. I only as of the last couple weeks have been feeling ready to date again. So everything he was saying seemed positive and I kind of was like, okay, well we'll see. With time if it becomes a problem. But at the moment it wasn't a problem to me. And then the rest of the day was like, wonderful. We got drinks, met up with like some of his friends at a different bar. Um, some of my friends came and met up with us. It was just easy and like we were really comfortable with each other. Had so much fun together. Um, like all the hard conversation stuff was easy with him, but also like we were having a lot of fun too, so it just felt like supernatural. I really genuinely was like, wow, I really like this guy and I'm so caught off guard. 'cause I had no idea that like this date was gonna lead to this, that a cat call would lead to this. And at what point did he begin to love bomb you? Yeah. Well, I mean, I think the love bombing started right away. It was like, yeah. When I, and to be fair, when I met him, it was under the guise that he was going to leave LA in a week. Right. So he was there, he was there for work or he said that he was there for work. Um, he was supposed to only be there for a week when I met him. So that first week that we met, it was like hanging out every single day. Him sleeping over every night because we thought he was gonna leave in a week. Um, and where was home base for him? Like where was he going back to? Oh, Louisville, Kentucky. Okay. Yeah. Um, but he, like, in his words, he kind of was like all over, like he had before la he was in Miami. He hadn't been home to Kentucky in like three or four months, he said. Um, so he a little bit of a nomad. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but this is kind of the beginning of the relationship was very much indicative of like, you know, of the love bombing. Like he, we were spending so much time together. Um, he kept telling me that like his work kept getting pushed back and he had to keep staying. So like, you know, we kept hanging out like every single day. And things were honestly really great. Like, I had so much fun with him. We were having the best time together. We were, you know, becoming so much more comfortable with each other. And then things started to go south. Um, one weekend when he kind of blew me off, it was a Sunday and he was supposed to, he was seeing some of his friends and, sorry, how long, how long had you guys been seeing each other at that? Yeah, this was two weeks. So two weeks. Like pretty constant, like basically almost living together. We had seen each other every single day. He had slept over every single night except for one, they were also celebrating like week anniversary. Yeah. Yeah. Disgusting. It's so disgusting even to say it. It's so disgusting. I know. I'm like, I I But you were, you were down bad. You were down bad. I was, and also, you know, like I know it my better judgment, like I knew, okay, this is not healthy to be like seeing someone every single day, but I also was like, he's about to leave, like he's leaving. Yeah. You know, imminently. So like, I have to kind of like get the time in with him and I was still, you know, getting fed this message that he was about to leave in like two days. Um, and it was, it wasn't that he changed the flight once. To a month later. It was, uh, yeah, it was always Okay. It's gonna be Tuesday. Wait, no, it's gonna be Friday. Totally. So Truthy was saying like, oh, his last night is Thursday. Every, we like kept thinking, I kept thinking that his last night was gonna be like, it kept changing like every couple days. Last night was changing and it was, that was, I mean, super stressful and just like horrible to deal with. Yeah. 'cause it was just like, when is this actually, you know, happening? And I definitely would not have approached it that way had I known that, you know, he was planning on staying for a month. Um, but yeah, it all kind of came crashing down a little bit, at least. Um, a couple weeks in when he kind of blew me off one night, like he had had plans with his friends. He went down to Orange County and then he was supposed to come back to Santa Monica to come to Jameson's with some of me and my friends. And then me and him were gonna go to dinner. And as the night was going on, he was texting less and less. And then he kind of was just like, no, I'm gonna come for you. Like, I'm still, I'm gonna be on my way soon. And like the night was just getting later and later and later and I kind of was just like, okay. At a certain point, like, I'm gonna go to bed now 'cause you're clearly not coming back. Yeah. Um, like, I'm going to bed. And so that was, that was the first time that I kind of was like, can I really trust this guy? Because he, he kind of like totally switched, like before that he was so communicative. He was so, um, you know, thoughtful and like put in a lot of effort. And then that night I kind of was like, wait, this is a totally different guy. Like you have blown me off completely. Like, kind of stood me up a little bit. Um, yeah, I mean like never said that he wasn't going to come. Yeah. Right. He just at no point addressed it. Um, no, he like ended up texting me back really late at like midnight or something, being like, Hey, um, like, I'm sorry, I know you're probably asleep right now. Like, I'm going to, I'm going back to Cal Basses tonight. Um, yeah. You're like, no, shit, I got it at this point. Right, exactly. So then I wake up in the middle of the night and I was just like, so you didn't think to text me like, yeah, no shit. Of course you're going back to Calas tonight. Right. Um, so that was our like first fight, I guess. I was pissed. I mean, I was like, this was not okay. Like, you know, you basically stood me up. So I don't really know where you want me to go from here. Like that's very disrespectful and I don't have confidence that you can communicate like an adult, because right now you're not proving that to me. Um, and he was super apologetic, like totally doubled down after that and was like putting a ton of effort to like try to win me back and stuff. Um, but that was definitely the first time that I was like, okay, something's kind of like going on here. 'cause that feels a little immature to me. So, yeah. Yeah. And it wasn't, it kind of like, oh, I just like, didn't re like he, it seemed like he knew that he wasn't gonna make it. But he was afraid to tell you. Yes, completely. Yeah. He kept being like, um, he kept saying like, well, I didn't wanna, you know, I didn't wanna tell you I wasn't coming 'cause I still wanted to see you. I didn't wanna like close the door, but then I was having so much fun with my friends, so I didn't wanna leave them. Now looking back on it, I'm like, okay, well he was probably lying, you know, and he was probably like keeping the door open, um, to come back had he not wanted to like keep doing whatever he was doing. Mm-hmm. But at the time, like when he was telling me this, he kind of was like, I'm a big people pleaser and like, I've struggled with this in the past and I realized I need to work on this, when he was saying it, it seemed like, okay, he has some like. Maybe maturity gaps or some things he needs to work on, but it didn't seem like a deal breaker. Yeah. And he seems sincere about trying to like work on it, but it definitely was like, wait, how do you, on the forefront of your mind, an okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then what was like the big explosions go from there. Okay. So then essentially the long story short of it is like every week was kind of like this. It was like every week from there on after was kind of like this. It was like we would, we had this fight. He would double down and make these like grand shows of affection and like be so apologetic and like take me on a really nice date and all these things. And then he would, no flowers though. No flowers, which I did say to him. I was like, well. I'm waiting for my flowers. Right. I'd love a flower. I'd love a flower. Like one flower would be lovely. Flower. Yeah. Ale flower. Not a, I mean, would love a bouquet, but gimme something where I'm halfway baby. There are no flowers. There are no flowers. It, it's like crazy. And this was like the pattern. He, the next weekend went totally dark for 36 hours to the point where all of my friends were like, this guy has probably died. Like, I did not, he was dead. We thought he was dead. My, you thought he was dead Friends were like, you should maybe do a welfare check on him. Megan was searching like car accidents in Calabasas, California. No, Megan. She bought in. Yeah. Like we were not feeling good about the situation. We were like, this is so unlike him, he usually texts back within a couple hours for someone to go dark for that long. And I had texted him too, saying like, Hey, hope everything's okay. Like, you know, just kind of like give me a check-in. Yeah. And no response to that for hours. Then did you call the hotel or were you about to, I can't remember. Yeah, I think we did call the hotel, but then they didn't pick up or something. It was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. The front desk didn't pick up. Um, and then I think, but you're no, like, I'm pretty sure he's in a medically induced coma. Like there was no other explanation because it was, it was 4:00 PM so it was like, it's not, it's not possible that he's still asleep. Right. Yeah. Like even if he was, even if he had like gone out and was sleeping all day, you would wake up and like check your phone. Yeah. We were asking all of our guy friends like, is it possible to sleep until 4:00 PM Like if you are so hungover and so drunk, like is it possible? And everyone was like, this is not normal. Well, and Max was telling us, he was like, he's got a drug problem. Like, he, he definitely got a bag last night and he's like, yeah, max was like, like this guy is like, so, you know, was so drugged last night that he is not okay today. I'm convinced we were all wrong. We were all wrong. We were all wrong. We were wrong. So, um, then he, yeah. I mean, it was the same story. It was like, he finally texts me, doesn't apologize. We get on the phone and I was like, what's going on? Because you're treating me like your girlfriend and when it's convenient for you, and then you are, you know, basically like, you know, just not interacting with me. Yeah. And like treating me like shit. So it's like you can't really, and he just said, he just said like, Hey, sorry, just leaving the gym. Yeah. He was like, sorry, like busy day. I like went to the gym here in West Hollywood so I could be closer to you. Like, so I could come over. Oh my God. What a crazy response. It's just so weird. Yeah. It was just like, okay. So anyways, this story just continues, right? Like, there's another time that this happens where he like was being super weird and flaky on the 4th of July. So after the 4th of July, he comes over, he's again, really apologetic. We went on this like lovely date to lafonte that restaurant that we really like. We saw Megan and some of her friends there. Oh yeah. And I hated him at this point. Yeah. I mean at this point all of my friends are just like, this guy actually sucks because he just keeps this like, you know, is just keep doing, keeps doing this pattern of like disappointing you and then being really great, but then he disappoints you again. Um, so at this point I already am like not feeling great about things. Um, that day we had was lovely. That night he was like, Hey, I want to take you to dinner. Let's go to horses. Another restaurant in LA that we liked going to. And he made a reservation. All of a sudden, like time gets away from us and we had to leave to go to dinner very, very soon. And he starts like freaking out and was like, we have to leave. Like, oh my God, we gotta go. So I am getting ready for dinner and he's basically like getting mad at me being like, Ruthie, like we have to go. Let's go. And so I kind of was like, well, do you want me to, you know, we're gonna be late regardless, number one, I don't think they're gonna like charge you if we're 15 minutes late or 25 minutes late. And you've never once been upset about time. So like, I'm always the one who's like OCD about time and getting placed on time, like, what is going on? Like, why are you being this way? He was just like, I could tell things had kind of shifted with us. Like he was like being kind of snippy. The next day is really when things kind of like hit the fan. Um, and that morning we like went on this walk. He was telling me all about his past relationships, like somehow they came up in conversation and it's completely different stories than what he had told me previously. Oh my God. Completely. Like, he, he started off by saying, so mind you, one of the first questions I asked was about cheating. Like if he had ever cheated. And he had told me that he had only cheated once on his high school girlfriend. And it was like the biggest regret of his life. And that he would never do that. Why Is that like every guys' response? No, I think that like they're served it in like a Yeah, yeah. Some like, you know, some like Reddit dating coach is like telling these men to say all these things anyways, don't forget to say you regret it, right? Correct. Don't forget to say it's the biggest regret of your life. Yeah. Yeah. Every day I regret cheating on Sarah Beth anyways, in 11th grade. Um, so I was like, whatever. Then in this conversation he told me that in the relationship before his, his most recent ex, um, he had, he was cheating on her so much so, so far as to say he was staying in a hotel with this woman and his ex came and like found the hotel room and caught them. Yep. He was going on like weekend trips with that woman, and he fully admitted all of this to me. Now, of course, he's like spinning this in a, in a story to make his ex sound crazy. Right? Of course. Um, and he was, it was like a, it was like, I'm, I'm messed up because she was, she didn't trust me. Or of course, it's like she was evil when she was out handling this and yelling at me, right? Yes. Like with this ex, he was like, well, she had cheated on me a lot and earlier in the relationship, so it was really toxic and like, I, like I was, you know, so over it. And so this was like my way of getting back at her and she didn't, he know he's good. He's good. He's a politician but, um, but yeah, like fully admitted to like a crazy cheating story then. Then next relationship, which was his engagement, he admitted to, I guess like some cheating, like micro cheating or whatever. Cheating. Micro cheating. Yeah. I'm like, I guess like how, like how do you define that? It, I mean, it was cheating. He basically said that in the beginning of the relationship they had, they were like having sex for like six hours one day, and his girlfriend passed out, went to bed, and he was still awake, and he starts sexting one of his friends. I, I also just, why? Why did he need to share? No. Any of those details. Oh. Do you wanna hear the way that he framed this to me, he said to me, if you're gonna be my person, I want you to know these things. Oh my God. Isn't that insane? Insane. So I'm listening to this. I'm silent by the way, this whole walk. I'm just like, what is happening? And I even said to him when he said the previous story, I was like, what is wrong with you? Like, that's insane. Yeah. Just break up with her. Like, why are, why are you doing that? It's not like cool or funny to me. No. And like, girl, I'm not enjoying, trust me. I'm not enjoying these stories. No. I'm just like, this is, this sucks for me. Um, and it sounds like he has a lot of fault in these relationships that he is like not owning up to. So your woman's intuition begins to tingle. Yes. And you return home. Yes. And all of his stuff is there and he's up for a few hours. Correct. Yeah. So women's intuition is, you know, is there, there were some other like conversations that we had where I was like, this doesn't feel like something, you know, the person I wanna be with. Um, so I was not feeling great about things. I just had like a really bad feeling. I was, there was a few hours that day where I was home and he was out and gonna come back soon. Um, all of his stuff is at my place. By the way, at this point. He had like moved out of the hotel. Um, all of his stuff, his suitcases, his backpack is, is wide open with a journal on top though he's living. And I just was like, I just had a really bad feeling and I was like, I just need to feel like I need to go through his stuff to like, get some answers because I feel like I need to figure out what's going on with this guy. May I just say like, yeah, this is always, like, this podcast will always be a podcast that supports unequivocably, the right to go through a man's personal belongings. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. That is, that is, it will not be qualified. You know, I am the most proud of that decision of all decisions I've made in my lifetime. Yeah. It's like I, and I stand by it too, because you know what? Like you left all your shit at my place. Right. And you, you did that well, you did it at the wrong person's house. I'll tell you that much because maybe another girl wouldn't have gone through his stuff. I don't give a fuck. I'm insane. What do you find? Okay, so I open up his back to like, I open up his journal. I flipped to the last page of the journal. Dated men with journal too Dated. Yeah. That's the first red flag. Yeah. Well, maybe I should just pull up the journal page and read some snippets from it. Um, please. So I open up to last page of the journal. I see that it says Friday, June 27th, which at this point is like a week before that, you know, with some change. So I am, you know, I start reading it, it says, damn, it's been a while. I've been really bad at not journaling. I need to get better at this. I hate, hate most importantly, I have to tell you a story about a woman last night. At this point. Her ears perk up. She's like, I'm like, oh my gosh, she's gonna be talking about me. That's so sweet. This is so sweet. Yeah. I was like, oh my gosh. It's like a lot. Letter to me. That's so sweet. Yeah. Um, he goes, last night, I wanna date with Kayla. A fellow Kentucky LA transplant, and I literally, you guys read it multiple times to be like, wait, is that, are you sure that's not like an s Yeah. Yeah. It's like, no. At the time, maybe he just forgot my name at the time I was like, and my home state, right? Like, did I go on a date with him that night? I was like, wait, could it still be me? He's just calling me Kayla in case someone finds it and he wants, yeah. I'm like, what if it's like a cute nickname, maintain my anonymity. Um, he basically goes on to be like explicit detail. He picked her up at 8 45 from the Equinox on Sunset A, they went to X restaurant. I hate, I hate that, you know, for drinks. And then he goes, she's fucking hilarious. She's soft spoken, the cute, like going on and on about this girl. Um, he goes, holy fuck. I felt like I was on a different planet with her. We talked until we shut the place down. Then we went back to her place. We made out in the car, we talked for hours. I think I'm falling in love with her. He says, then he says, I'm not sure how to handle this with the other relationships I'm currently in. Plural relationships, other relationships I'm currently in. And then he says, but I do feel called to Los Angeles. I'm gonna move here in September. All right. After all those detail, I do love la. Yeah. It's really the date and timestamp for me and the location. Yeah. Like, just like in case anyone was wondering this, this was 8 45 on June 27th at the, no, he could never be a criminal. Your di he could never be a criminal. My diary was, was wondering. Yeah. Um, but, so then of course I go back through our text messages. I see that like he had lied to me that night. He, we were supposed to go on a date. He said that he was, had to work late that night, minutes before his date per his journal, he had texted me about work. Um, and you know about how his work was going. So at that, at this point, I'm just like, this guy is a clown. So then I flip back, I flip back to the page before that to see if there's any other journal entries. The page before that is from the day of our first date, and it's in the morning. Him being like, Hey, diary. I went on two dates this weekend and I have another one coming up. And like, I'm the man. I'm the man. Yeah. Like all did not say I'm the man. It's, it's so much worse. It's like much, it's literally like, I am, I'm feeling like me again. I'm unstoppable. My life is about to get so amazing. Like, the journal is like, please don't, he's like, life is so beautiful. Like, he's just, it's so weird. It's like he's like trying to like convince himself that his life is so amazing. Yeah. Not a single word about me, let me tell you that much. Not a, not a single word about me. You're like, Kayla from fucking Kentucky gets an entire page and what the fuck do I get? Literally like it's whatever. But at this point I'm just like, okay, I need to, I need to end things. So I call, I call Megan and I don't actually remember exactly what I said to you, Megan. She, she was just like, Hey, I'm like shaking right now. And I'm like, what's up? And she's like, I just had this weird feeling. And I went through his sex journal and she like reads it to me and I'm like, okay, like where is he? And he is getting a stupid ass tattoo. And I'm like, okay, I'm coming over. So car for the course at the story? Yeah, literally. So I drive over there and I go and sit in your bedroom and, well, you also found pictures and letters to the ex-fiance. Yes. Learned that that timeline was incorrect. Isn't that right? Yeah. So I don't know if I knew about the timeline when I was ending things with him. I essentially, like while Megan was on her way to my place, I continued searching the backpack. There were birthday cards from his ex-fiancee from like all the years they had been together. Christmas cards, love letters from her that he had saved in his backpack. Just sitting there, like front talking his backpack. Right. And like that's not even his home base. That was stuff he brought on a trip with him. Yes. All of the stuff he brought on a trip with him. He had pictures, Polaroids of the two of them, in another little journal with like love letters to her. One of them was from June and it was like, it's been a rough couple months. Madison, like, nothing feels the same without you, blah, blah, blah, blah. So at this point I'm just like, this guy's insane. Like, he is still in love with his ex. Um, so I at that point took pictures of like all these other journal pages and was like, I just need to have all this evidence, but at this point, Megan comes over, she's sitting in my room and he's like, about to come back at any minute and I'm like, preparing to have this breakup conversation with him. Yeah. So I am literally, um, on the floor in her bedroom recording the breakup on my, on my voice notes. And I'm scared. I was like, this guy's crazy. Like he, what, what is he? I was so afraid he was gonna find out that I was there and then like, I know. I was afraid too. Yeah. So, but at least there were two of us, so I was like, I would feel better. Yeah. I also didn't want her alone with him during, of course not. No patient. Yeah. Yeah. And also, you know, well first of all, Megan is like friend of the year, friend of the century, honestly, for this like, don't know how I can ever repay you. Um, was a joy. So, yeah. I mean, but that's classic us too. Yeah. Like we made it into a bit, we were like, oh, this is gonna be hilarious. Hilarious. Like, recording this whole story. Yeah. You guys were like, this is now a judge Predator. Yeah. I redownload all my dating apps. While he was, while we were waiting for him to come back, I texted a guy that I'd been hooking up with the whole, like, before, he was like, what are you doing tonight? Yeah. I literally was like, hi, what are you doing tonight? Like, I mean, I was reentering the world. Yeah. Um, I haven't seen her in a month, so. Yeah. Yeah. You were like, I'm either going to be, I'm either gonna be like unbelievably devastated, like numb, which I'm sure there's so many of those feelings that you're still processing and were at the time, but it's like, unless I do something with these feelings Yeah. I've got to harness into humor to like get through this. Totally. Yeah. Totally. So he comes in the door and he is like, Hey, how's it going? And I'm like, in my head I'm like, pretty bad. You know? Yeah. I was like, I think we need to like talk. And he was like, oh yeah. And then his first reaction was, are you breaking up with me? In my head, I'm like, well, yes. Like precisely. That's exactly what I'm doing. So we sit down. I didn't wanna admit to reading the journal, obviously. And also I was advised that I should, if I really wanna hurt him, I had called one of my friends who was a therapist, and she was like, listen, this guy is like, for sure a narcissist. And if you really wanna hurt him, you should tell him that you just like had to change a heart. You know, like, don't be all mad at him. Just be like, I, this isn't for me anymore. You know? Um, 'cause that'll really hurt him. You know, you brought in the big guns in terms of phon a friend. I was phoning a friend. I was like, I didn't wanna like, have this conversation on my behalf. Well, my, my ideal world was we put his stuff outside the door. We leave the journal open to that page on top of, that's what I would've suggested as well. And we, and we lock him out and just never see him again. But the therapist recommended otherwise. So I was, my ideal world was that he walks in and it's me and Megan sitting on the couch. Yeah. Megan has a shotgun on her hand. She's like playing the role of your father. Yeah. The southern dad. The southern dad. Listen, boy, don't get your stuff out the house right there. And I better, I never wanna see your face again. But okay. You go the thera, you go the mature therapist, right? I was combined to the bedroom. Unfortunately, I had to, you know, push her into the bedroom. So we had this conversation. I said like, my friend had seen you and I also caught, like, I also have caught you in a few other lies. So like, this is not it for me anymore. And his, you know, way to go about that conversation, which just defending himself, being like, it wasn't a date that was just a friend. He was like, okay, well where did I go? Where was it? Where was it? Like he was, you know, yeah. What's the proof? He was like, there's no proof. Do you have pictures, videos? I said to him at one point, I was like, well, you know, prove to me that she's just a friend. Show me your text messages. And he's like, I think that's too much. And I said, exactly. Like, exactly, if I need to go through your phone, you, we, you and I both know this is not right. Yeah. Um, and even still at that point, he was like, so what do I do? Should I pack up my stuff? Like he still was not understanding like I'm, that he was not going to be staying in your apartment at Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, we're, there's no coming back from this. It's like, you've lied, you've broken my trust. I've told you that's the most important thing to me. Like, absolutely not. And he just couldn't, I mean, he was just denying the whole thing. Like the whole time it was like blaming it on me. He said that I made him feel like he couldn't tell me things because, um, he didn't know how I was gonna react if he said he was getting drinks with a a girl and Right. It's because she's so fucking crazy. That's why he had to lie And so he finally ends up leaving, I'm guessing. He ends up leaving. Um, and he, it ended with him being like, okay, well I'm gonna go back to Calabasas and like find a way to like prove to you that this is not the case. And I said, okay, well, and then he is on his merry way. Um, and I never heard from him again. Not once. He's like, actually my journal, that's just a collection of fictional short stories. Literally, literally. Never heard from him again, except for the following night. I went to dinner with a bunch of my girlfriends, and um, and like me and him had gone there one of our first dates, but it's like a popular restaurant, whatever. We went there for dinner, of course, i'm like recapping the whole story the entire like two hour dinner. And um, mind you, like these girls had met him before. My friend Kate had spent like numerous hours with him. So like, I mean, they had seen this guy, they'd been around this guy. All of them were like just as shocked that like he duped all of us. Um, we're walking out of like the room that we were eating dinner in, into like the main dining room. And there he is on a date with another girl. Cannot make this up. No. Cannot make this up. I was saying something, one of my friends was like, this is actually unbelievable. Yeah. Literally one of my friends was like, oh, what if he's here? And I said, yeah. I was probably on a date with his, with his fucking girlfriend. And I see dad and it's a Monday night. No, that's crazy. Monday night, crazy night. I kicked him out on Sunday night. Monday night he was on a date with another girl there. My friend went up. It is the next day. Next day your friend goes up to him. But my friend went up to him, kind of like scared him a little bit and was like, what are you doing here? Like, you shouldn't be here. Like, get out of Venice. And he was angry. Like he was like very upset. 'cause of course he had to like then go make up a fake story. Explain it. Yeah. Right. And explain it. Yeah. Um, but yeah, that was the last contact I had with him. And like, I unfollowed him and all my friends unfollowed him and he promptly unfollowed all of us back. So I had never followed him to be clear, because he had never done anything to gain my trust. So I didn't, I didn't need to unfollow someone. Yeah. Um, and so I feel like I can safely say That was your worst LA dating story. Yeah. Yes. Yes. And so shout out, I mean, he wasn't from la. It wasn't from la so it really can happen to anyone in this country. Let this be a lesson. Yeah. Um, it's truly, it's truly insane. I mean, it was like so many lies. He is. And how did you, how did you rebuild? Like are you dating now? How long did it take? Do you feel like you've processed it and like, what's next step for you dating in la? Yeah, still we persist. Um, it was definitely hard. I mean, this was the, this was the most serious person I've dated since my ex, which was like nine years ago. Um, and the closest that I like by a long shot that I've gotten to someone that I really thought I could, you know, be with. Um, so it was definitely hard after the fact being like, oh my God, we're back at square zero again. Um, but I mean, I think. People keep saying, like, Megan and our other friends were like, you know, you're handling this so well. And I feel like one, I have really amazing friends around me. Like everyone around me was so like, let's go do things. Let's go get out of the house. And we actually went out like every night for two weeks, just because we were like, she's gotta gotta, I gotta outta you to be busy. Yeah. Thank God that you are her friend in LA and not me. Second, we would've gone out one time and I was like, I was like, what did you just ask me to set up for literally my office? Thank God. Well, Spencer, if it was you, I would've just been living at your apartment. That would've been the, I would've just been living with you. I would've moved in. Um, could not. Instead we moved into Jameson's and instead we actually just took up residency at our favorite bars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, which really, you know, paid dividends for us. Yeah. We now know all the bouncers. Yeah. But, um, yeah, I mean, I think stayed busy. I also think, you know, like. It did kind of show me like you are maybe a little bit more mature than you give yourself credit for. Yeah. Like I actually feel very proud of the way that I handle things and the way that like I feel about it now. Like I feel very over it. Um, I have course to like make jokes about it and stuff, but it's like, you know, it has nothing to do with me. At end of the day, he is going to continue ruining relationships with every woman he's in. Um, he did it to someone he was engaged to that he like really seemed to love. Yeah, yeah. You know, and I believe that's true. Um, but he just has a problem and he like is not meant to be a, he's not fit to be a good partner right now. Yeah. So, and thank God, thank God you got out of that. No, exactly. I think that the key is like realizing that it's not about you like. Not getting caught up in like, how did I miss this? Yeah. Because you didn't Yeah. Like you listened to your gut and one month is like so much less time than most women. Totally. Foster guys like this. Yeah. And to have just been like, Hmm, it, I didn't really like that. I'm gonna find out like what's really going on changed the course of what was gonna happen. Yeah. And so, yeah. Yeah. Completely. No, I agree. I mean, I think I like, I trust my intuition so much. When it first ended, I definitely was like, oh my God, how did I get so duped? Like, I thought I had such a good read on people, but it's like I, to your point, I did not get duped. Like I figured it out. Um, and things, lots of people like probably would've stayed, you know, or like made excuses for him. Yeah. Or given him another, like, okay, this is really your last chance. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. He's very good at playing the victim. Totally. He was like, I mean, he can talk his way out of any situation. Yeah. I'm very happy that I like caught it. I also, you know, I had never been in like a toxic relationship before. Um, I, like my actual last ex was lovely. Yeah. And so I didn't really realize that like, someone can be putting in a lot of effort and, you know, really nice to you sometimes and like doing all the right things sometimes, but it still doesn't mean that they're the right partner for you. Mm-hmm. Or that it's not a toxic relationship. Right. Yeah. Yeah. It can be toxic and they're also taking you on a lot of nice dates. Yeah. Yes, totally. Like I did not see that as like him taking advantage of me or like him manipulating me. Um, so yeah, I mean, you gotta get back on the horse and just like know, do all the things that make you feel good. No, it's not about you. And I am dating again. Um, I've gone on one first date since. Um, but I'm like, you know, on the apps and all that. Everyone unfortunately should have a life ruining situationship because it builds character. In this case, it gives fodder for stories and it also like builds your trust muscle because it's like you totally, you have to learn how to get through a hard thing and Yeah. You know, it's not, it's not always just like. If a guy says that he likes you, that's the end of the story, you know? Totally. And I totally agree with you because I think you also need to like know that you will be okay on your own. Yeah. You know, like Megan asked me after we ended things, she was like, um, would you have ended things with him even if you hadn't found the proof? And I do think I would have, it would've taken me probably a little bit longer. Yeah. Um, but it was definitely coming because I definitely, I knew like, this is not in alignment with the kind of person that I wanna be with, like, the way that I'm feeling right now. And in those last few weeks of us stating like, I was so anxious, I felt like he was hiding things from me. I felt like I couldn't trust him fully. And like, that can't be the way that I feel with the right person, you know? Yeah. So I feel like if anything, it kind of, it made me trust my intuition a lot, but also made me realize like, you will be okay and it's like you're gonna be fine on your own. So like don't be afraid to Yeah, yeah. Cut things off. I feel like, I feel like a lot of times women get this anxiety if they're in a relationship where like there are, or there's just comfortability, like knowing someone for a long, for a substantial period of time. Like when you women get into this period where this thing where they like, they know in their head the right decision is to break it off. Mm-hmm. But there's a anxiety that like, honestly like is palpable. It's physical where like, oh my God, I like, there's such a comfort there that like they stay, yeah, I have to do this over again because the anxiety of being single is worse and the anxiety of staying in the bad relationship. And that's like, thank God that you have been able to approach it and see it in a way that it's like I'm good with myself. Yeah. But it's. It's so much harder. It's not black and white. No, it was, it was also like, not funny, but kind of funny because we had, like fairly recently before Ruthie met him, had a conversation where we were both just kind of venting about like being single and she was just like, you know, Megan, I just wanna like have a relationship. It's been so long. Yeah. Yeah. And I told her, I was like, I just wish that you knew that it is so much better to be single than to be in a relationship that you're not happy in. Yeah. And, and I fucked around and found out. Yeah. And God sets, lemme give her a little, a little lesson in real time. Right. It's true. And just to be clear, like, I wasn't willing to settle for any relationship. No. Yeah. Um, but this really proved that to me. I was like, there were so many qualities of his that I really liked, but like. I never want to feel the way that I felt again. Yeah. So like, I will never let myself do that. Yeah. Um, and I think unfortunately a lot of women do settle or like kind of, you know, chalk it up to like, oh, that's my own anxiety. Like, I need to like chill out a little bit more. Which, that's what I was thinking to myself. Like, for a lot of that. Yeah. For a lot of the time that I would feel that way, I would be like, well, maybe it's my own anxiety, maybe like, I need to like chill a little bit and like give them some space. And I think I would just tell people like, it's probably, it might not be that, that might be the case, but also your intuition's probably. Right? Yeah. So after this experience, do you throughhi remain optimistic about the date of the union in Los Angeles? Um, I am slightly optimistic, slightly. No, I feel like that's the best we can ask. It's, Hey, it's a candid response. Yeah, it's, it's very slight. It's just tipping into the positive side. I mean, I think like I, right now it's, it is hard for me to feel like totally positive, but I do know, like, and I do believe this, that like, I will meet the right person. It will happen for me. I don't know when it'll be, I don't know where it'll be. So I don't know for certain if it'll be in la but I think, I know for a fact it'll happen. And I also will say, one of my friends said to me the other day, she was like, you know, just because you're going on, just because someone's going on more dates does not mean that they're like closer to meeting the right person. Like, just 'cause someone's meeting more people, or like dating more people does not mean that they're meet, they're closer to meeting the right person. And you'll still meet them at whatever time you're meant to meet them. Um, and quantity isn't determinated. Yeah. Yeah. And also life still can turn on a dime. Yeah. Life continues to turn on a dime in like such beautiful ways. Yeah. And like, you know, and I can't wait for the next time that it does, and hopefully I have a positive update for you. Yay. We can't wait. Okay. Three rapid fire questions for you. Oh. Rapid fire. Okay. Favorite bar to meet guys in la Ah, this is hard. Um, if you asked me a month ago, I would've said, um, today I'm gonna say Delilah. Woo. Okay. Love it. Um, favorite way to meet guys in the wild, not a bar. Ooh, I hate to say it. A run club. I hate to say it. I knew it was coming. Um, okay. And last question, manifest your reality name. The person in LA could be a real person, could be a celebrity. Who do you wanna date next in la This is so hard. Someone in LA that I wanna date next. Um, I mean like, I would say Chris Humphreys, but I know he is off the, off the market for me. Wait, sorry. Kim Kardashian's, ex-husband. No, no, no, no, no. Um, sorry. Clay Thomas. Clay Thompson. Clay Thompson. That one. Clay Thompson. Sorry. No. Clip that clip that. Clay Thompson. Clay Thompson's my dream man. She's looking, she's, look, we, we love Megan Thee stallion, and we want her to be happy. I would never take, I would never take, she wants another, another version. She, I, I would never take another woman's man. Especially not Megan's, nor could I ever do that. Like, nor would that happen, like, to be clear. A brother, a lookalike, A double ganger. Give her a call. If you look like K Clay Thompson call me. Yeah. And you've never cheated. That's a deal breaker. And you've never cheated. Yeah. And you don't keep a diary. Yeah. Unless it was your 11th grade girlfriend. Yeah. And it, and you really regret it. And it's the biggest part of your life. Yep. Yeah, I mean I think that, I think the real takeaway here more than anything is that a man with a journal cannot be trusted because what do you need to write about? What are you writing about? No, there's not. There's nothing going on in your brain. Why? What do you need to put on paper? No, no. Yeah. They should not be that complex. Do you think Travis Kelsey has a diary? No. He can barely type correctly. No, it's a coloring book for sure. We see. And sweet. So we know exactly what's going on in his head. I saw a squirrel. I saw a squirrel eat a piece of bread. Yeah, like that's where if you have the body of Clay Thompson and the mind of Travis Thompson, give a call, please. Just, I'll give you my address. I'll do you one better. Thank you so much for truth. This was amazing. This is a real delight and yeah. This was, it was my pleasure. I lived to entertain. Now we're gonna go to Jameson's and do it all. Okay. Bye girls. Love you. Bye.

Speaker 2 1:14:12

Okay guys, thanks so much for listening to this week's episode. Please rate and review and follow us on Instagram. God bless our listeners, and God bless the single women of the United States.