MIDWEST: Nikki

Welcome back to season two of DOTU! Did you miss us? Today we're chatting with midwest princess Nikki about her dating life since relocating from Orange County, CA to Boise, Idaho. You'd think it would be straight out of a hallmark movie but it still ends up feeling like a horror :) We've got a great season for y'all! 

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Transcript

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Audio Only - All Participants-1 0:35

Should we talk about Nikki? Um, so this week we talked to my friend Nikki, um, who was one of my first friends in LA, but actually lived in Orange County. Um, and then sadly, Nikki left us to move to Boise, Idaho, and I was, I was appalled. Um, but I've warmed up to the idea, and I think you'll hear in our episode that it actually, um, the more things change, the more things stay the same. Isn't that true? Yeah. You know, She's having fun. She's living her life, but she's also having just as many troubles as the rest of us are. Men are men are men men are men are men. Um, but I did, um, have some fun facts about Boise and Idaho. Okay. Also, one last thing I'll say about this is, like, obviously we've had a lot of fun doing our big cities. New York, LA, and Miami. We'll do plenty more of those, but I think it's just as important to get down and dirty in the Heartland, right? Yeah. Like, the- Totally the, this, what is it? The Belt? The Sun Belt? The Dust Bowl? The Rust Belt? Oh, maybe it is the Sun Belt. That, that might be right. Middle America. Yeah. And I, I liked this one, like, a lot. Yeah. No. Um, so I hope we do more from, from this- Yeah the giant blob that is the middle of the United States. Yeah, the flyover states, in the most loving way possible. Okay. Yeah, I did- I'm ready for your fun facts So the name of Boise actually comes from French-Canadian fur trappers who were trekking across the hot, dry plains of Idaho when they spotted the Boise River and its lush valley, and they said, "Les bois, les bois," which means the woods, the woods. And then that eventually evolved into the city's name. That sounded beautiful, Megan. Thank you. I was really excited about that one, 'cause I would get to speak French, but also it's a cool fact. It is cool, and who would've thought that Idaho would have- Would French roots? Yeah, and French roots. Um, so I think everyone knows that, like, Idaho produces the most potatoes in the country. Um, but I did not know that Boise has an Idaho Potato Drop on New Year's Eve. Now, I want you to tell me what you think that is. Um, I think it would be one of those games where the people stand- And then they toss the potato back and forth until somebody drops it, and then they have a winner. Okay, so no. Instead of a ball like in New York- No, stop they literally have a giant potato. Yeah. That actually makes so much more sense- Yeah than the stupid thing that I suggested. No, but I, I think I... What I expected was that they had, like, a net of m- of thousands of potatoes- Right, instead of confetti that they drop, and I was like, "That's so dangerous." There's, there's a lot of con- concussion casualties, but- Yeah, exactly. Um, so, you know, I think we kind of alluded to this throughout the podcast, but I was surprised to read Boise has more single men than almost any other city in the country. 100% tracks what we're hearing. Yeah. And I'm pretty sure there's a solid concentration of firefighters- Yeah. um, policemen. It's big blue collar. Blue collar- Big blue collar. Yeah. Hey, and nothing, nothing wrong with it. Which n- break, no, there should be more blue collar. I wanna be clear that I didn't mean that as a negative, and I think, I hope that in the next generation more men are blue collar, and I would much rather you work with your hands than you type, type. Yeah, than you're a keyboard warrior. Right. Exactly. Um- I would love for you to not even own a computer. That's all I got. Um, but yeah, I think this episode was so much fun, so insightful. I think a lot of us think about, like, moving back home so to speak or, like, to smaller areas than our big cities and, um, imagine just, like, immediately getting swept off our feet in a Hallmark movie. Mm-hmm. I think in some ways Nikki did experience that. Um, but then she just, you know, what happens after the Hallmark movie is kind of- What happens after the Hallmark movie, dot, dot, dot. Dot, dot, dot. Yay. Enjoy.

5:12

A Recent survey found that most single men and women between the ages of 18 and 34 say that they want a romantic relationship. But nearly all of those surveyed, including 91% of men, and 94% of women say they think the current dating environment is more difficult than ever. We are getting to the bottom of this with conversations with real people dating in cities across the country because our democracy is under attack. But so are our sex lives. I'm Megan. I'm single and dating in Los Angeles. I'm Spencer. I'm married, living in New York City. Welcome to Date of the Union.

Audio Only - All Participants 5:54

I'm so excited that we're doing this. Yes. I'm so excited. Are you kidding me? No, this is so great. Um, wait, was weekend, was weekend two, Coachella amazing? It was much better. Sabrina brought out Madonna. Yeah. Yeah, that's incredible. And then, um, Justin brought out Big Sean and SZA, and he did You Smile and As Long As You Love Me, which are, like, two of my top fives. Like, if he had done Holy, I was like, uh- trying to figure out, like, if I jump off the balcony, would I survive? Right. Or would that, like, end it all? Like, I was literally- Yeah doing those mental calculations. It was- And was he doing as much play, play, play on the laptop? Yeah, but he was also- He was doing a lot of fan interactions. Like, he was running... Yeah. I'm so sorry, guys. That's like when Taylor played your song for her guest so- or her surprise song- Yeah and you, like, ran onto the beach at, like, midnight to, like, couldn't even- Literally, when I texted Maddie, I said, "This is exactly how I felt when Taylor did Cornelius." I went on- Where did, when did she do it? On, was it at L- In Mexico City. Okay. And it was, like, I think before... It was either like... It was right before one of the shows that I was going to, and I literally went on a run, I haven't been on a run in years, to the beach and just sat in the sand. The only, like, thing- Before Maddie the only difference here, though- is that, like, with, there was no world in which you were going to Mexico City. Right. There was a world in which you were potentially considering buying Coachella tickets. Yeah, like I actively- Yeah uh, he played in my face because I actively said, like, "Oh, after seeing weekend one, I don't need to be there." I stopped looking for tickets. And then- Yeah, I actually think, Megan, this was karma because you were disparaging him a little bit, I'm not gonna lie. No, I just said that it wasn't, like, it wouldn't have satisfied me. Like, I told everyone. I was like- It was, it was a little bit stronger than that. I could pull up the texts. Well, that's not what I meant. Okay. I'm just saying. Receipts, receipts. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I could pull up the receipts. It was like... I mean, let's not waste time here, but I- I can pull them up and show them later. It was like- It was an absolutely worthless performance or something. No, I did not say that Yes, Megan, Megan, yes. Pull it up. Pull it up. Now you have to. I mean, was it- Now you have to was it in- Wait, 'cause if you did say that, then she's so right. Like No, I did not say that. You said something similar. My- I will find it after and we'll- Okay we'll discuss. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just said, I, it was not worth going to Coachella for me. Absolutely. Because I hate Coachella. That's all I have to hold my, hang my hat on today. And I have a cough anyway, so I'm like, I probably would've literally just like lost a lung if I were in the desert. Ugh. Okay. Anyways, so Nicki and I met when she was living in Orange County. Yeah. And Spencer was like... Spencer can remember when I was like, "My friend is moving to Idaho." Yes. She was devastated. Yeah. Devastated. Yeah. Um- 'cause I loved being an Orange County girl. Um, but yeah, so- Yeah, and you would, like, come up on Sundays and we would go- I know that was so fun. And I never go anymore. It's so sad. Like, that was real- like, my little, like, OC bestie, but it's okay. That's okay. We went to the Orange County Fair- Wait, really? which was hilarious. Yeah. I bet it's also, like, the most perfect, expensive fair of all time. It is. Yeah. And I lived right next door, so we could, like, drink and then just walk over. Yeah. Wait, do you remember when we went to the, um, pumpkin patch and it was all little kids? Yeah. But we thought it was gonna be, like, kind of, like, an adult kind of style thing- but there was no kids, or no adults at all. No, but we did, like, the slide and shit. Like, we were just like, "Now we're here." Like the teacher that put that kid out on the slide. Yes, exactly. Yeah. There's, like, it was such a way for me to have, like, a, like, perfect, like, suburban life when I needed to get away from LA. Um, yeah, so usually we just start out, like, you introducing yourself, age, hometown, how long you've been in Boise, what you do there, and, like, kind of if you wanna talk a little bit about, you know, how you ended up there recently. Yeah. So I grew up in Pocatello, which for, 'cause nobody knows the geography- Yeah of Idaho, which is totally fine. Imagine we have a listener who's like, "I'm also from Pocatello." Wait, do you know where... Okay, actually this is a good reference. Have you ever seen Napoleon Dynamite? Of course. Yes. Okay, so I grew up in the town, like, next door to Napoleon Dynamite. Got it. Stop. So POV, like, it's not quite as small as that one. Yeah. But, like, I think Preston is where they filmed that. Mm. But Pocatello is really small. Would it be, like, not insane for someone to have, like, a llama in the backyard? No. No, my, no, my neighbor did have llamas. Okay. Perfect. Perfect. Yeah, he had that many. And we would take them hiking. As kids we would, like, literally throw backpacks on them and take them hiking. No way. Yes. There was, like, a whole llama farm that we would spend Fourth of July at. Incredible. Yeah. So, like, when the, when the movie came out, was that you guys' area's, like, claim to fame? It was a big thing. Yeah. It was a big thing. It was pandemonium for a couple years, I'm sure. And I remember the main guy was, um, Mormon, so everyone was like, all the Mormons were like, "Oh my God, it's a Mormon." Like, everyone was so excited. Big moment for the Mormons. This was, like, way before Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Right. Like, this is, like, you know what I mean? Yeah. When everyone was like, "What's Mormon?" Right. But, so I knew, like, living, 'cause I lived in California for 10 years, and it just was, like, so expensive, and I definitely growing up in Idaho and Pocatello, I definitely wanted more of, like, a... Like, if you would've asked me at 12 years old where I would've been right now, I would've said- married with, like, four children Mm-hmm and, like, but the, I, like, live alone with two cats. Like- Yeah that's just, like, not even the case scenario whatsoever. So I knew I wanted more of that lifestyle, and my brother had two kids, and so I was just like, "I wanna be home. I wanna be closer, but I don't wanna live in Pocatello," because there's just not a lot of opportunity. Mm-hmm. Like, maybe if I was already married or something, but- Yeah it's just not a place... Like, everybody there to date is who I dated in high school. So it's like- Mm do I wanna go back and try that again or- Mm-hmm no? And Boise's actually a really good in between of- Mm-hmm California and Idaho. Like, it really does have... It's not as Idaho as people think it is. Like, it has a really good gay community. It really is super fun. It's super open. Like, it's not as... I know people hear Idaho and they're like, "Ooh," which I, like, understand, for sure. I think that's, like, partially the reason Megan was, like, half-sad I was moving there too. Yeah. She was like, "You're really leaving all this?" But she was also just like, "What is Idaho?" Yeah. Right. What are you gonna do there? You're going to Dynamite. Like, that's so true. That's where your brain goes to. Yeah. So I moved here in 2024. Actually, literally, I think, like, this week two years ago. Oh my God. Wow. So I've been here for two years. Yeah. 'Cause remember we had the big Duffy party and the- Uh-huh Carrie Underwood party. Yep. Um, so I've been here for two years. I do love it. It's a completely different- Yeah shape or face than California. Like, night and day. There's a lot of things that I do miss. I will say, actually, watching Coachella this weekend made me a little sad. Yeah. And I didn't think I would be sad, especially- Mm at 30 years old, 'cause I'm like- Right tired of going out at, like, 6:00 PM. But it's just, um... So yeah, I've been here. I'm a spin instructor, so I teach a couple times a week, and then I'm a medical assistant at a dentist office. I'm gonna go to, um, school in the fall to be an ultrasound tech. Okay. Oh, that's really cool. So just kinda like, it's an easy schedule. I work only, like, Monday through Thursday, like, one Friday a week, and I'm done at, like, 4:30, 5:00 o'clock. So a lot of time for me to do a lot of different stuff. Yeah. But yeah, Boise's, it's really not that bad, you guys. It's really fun, I promise. No, you're convincing us. Yeah. You're doing a good job. Mm-hmm. So wait, when... So what's your current relationship status? Okay. So, so funny you asked me that because when Megan asked me, 'cause we were- Um, voice noting last weekend. Last Sunday was my 30th, and I was so hung over till literally Wednesday. No, you have, when, like the second you turn like 28- Yeah you have three drinks and you need a, you need an IV like in, to your bloodstream. It's actually insane. Like, it, it's such a different hangover too than it was at 21. Like, I almost like- Mm it's almost like in your head too a little bit. It's all mental. Yes. It's all mental. Yeah. It's the anxiety. Yeah. And like even if you don't do anything bad, you don't black out. Right. You have three drinks. You're out with your three best friends. You come home and I'm like, "Oh my God, what did I do?" Yeah. And who am I? And it's also, you're also, you're also telling yourself like the next day, because you're just like tired and what, like you're such a piece of shit because- Mm-hmm we needed to go to the grocery store today. We needed to work out today. Yeah. It's like the mental anguish of like I'm being a piece of shit today. Yeah. That like at 21 you were just like, it's a Sunday, you know? Yeah, you're like, fuck it, I can sleep all day. I don't care. Yeah. No, at this I'm like, I need my Sundays. Right. I need to do my laundry. Yeah. Sets me back for the month basically. Sets me back the whole week. Like what am I supposed to do? So- We'll try again next month. Yeah. Right. So I like voice noted her back because I like, I couldn't text. Like I was like, okay, so you're gonna think I'm like lying, but I'm so hung over. So we were just chatting and stuff, and I knew you guys were doing, 'cause I listen to your guys' podcast. And so I was like, oh my God- Thank you we should do the podcast soon. So she'd asked me if I wanted to do it, and I don't have a laptop with a camera. So this guy that I've been seeing for like a month, he was like, "Oh, you can use my laptop- Stop and camera." So I, like, have his laptop. Like, I have, like, everything on... Like, like all of his files You're like, "I, I could do so much damage right now." Yeah, I'm like, what is... what is your relationship status using a man's laptop for this podcast? Well, like, I think pretty good. Like, we're like- Next comes marriage, literally this is serious. Like, I have, like... I, like, opened it up and there's, like, a thousand files. And I'm like, "What are these?" Like, should I go through them? But then I'm like, "No, I'm not-" Can you access his messages? Oh my God, probably. Oh. Like, I... What if it's on here? No, I can't do that. Messages and Gmail, let's get into this thing. Yeah, yeah. Well, this... We're actually scrap all of our questions. I'm like- We're just gonna spend the rest of the podcast investigating. Live investigation of- You're providing me with the content I already needed. Thank you so much. Though there is a share feature on this Zoom link. That's true. So you can just... You guys, it's really crazy. I opened it up and there's, like, a thousand files, and I was like, "What the heck?" But plot twist, and this is where I don't like... but he used to be a DJ. So you can't escape it. He's like- You can move anywhere, and there were still- Yes, I know. There will still be aspiring DJs. Even in Boise, Idaho, there will be a DJ. And- Oh, okay. That's incredible. But so he's like, "Well, they're just my DJ files." And I'm like- Oh "I bet some of them are. I bet some." So it's also his work laptop. Yes, that's why I'm like, "You're so crazy for just letting me borrow your work laptop." He's like, "I'm like, what do you mean?" Like- And did you tell him it was for a dating podcast? Yes. Like, I was talking about the people I've been dating in Idaho. Like, are you cool with that? Wait, that's incredible. And so we can... well, we can ask more questions as we go on about how this developed, but- Yes you know, parallel to this what are you looking for right now? Definitely, it sounds so crazy to say, but it's not because I'm 30, but definitely, like, my husband, for sure. Yeah. For sure. Not crazy at all. I'm at that point in my life. I am ready for it. Like we were saying, like, I'm done going out. It's, like, not that fun for me. No. A lot of the times, like, what you do with your girlfriends, we're, like, going to each other's houses, playing games. Like- Mm-hmm you know, like, for my birthday, I literally didn't even go out to the bars. Like, we just had, like, a big karaoke party. Like, people came in and out. So just somebody to settle down with, somebody who on my 30th, we just, like, took some edibles and he brought me over Olive Garden breadsticks and Alfredo sauce. You're, you're talking to two Olive Garden connoisseurs. I mean, I know Megan loves- Simser and I went- Like- to the Olive Garden in Times Square. That's so- One of the first times... Like, my second trip to New York ever, we went straight to that- As you should straight to the Olive Garden. We weren't, like, we were like, "West Village? Please." Can we take it straight to the top? Um, no, but definitely just somebody who I can, like, sit on the couch with and hang out with. I'm, I'm looking for that right now, and I think, too, with some of my past relationships that I've had, I don't even look for, like, the crazy, like... The first two dates with, I'm gonna call him DJ Boy, even though he's not a DJ anymore, I wasn't like, "Oh my God, I need to see him immediately after." Mm-hmm. Like, it was like, "Oh my God, that was fun. Like, that- Yeah he was cute." Yeah. Like, I'm interested. Every time I've ever felt like that after a first date, it's always ended horribly- Mm-hmm or just so toxically. 'Cause, like, I think it just starts so quick and it- When you're, like, so invested? Is that what you're saying? Like, when you're just, like- Mm-hmm too into them? Yep. Yeah. And then, like, it go- Agreed it just burns out so fast. So I'm definitely trying to change a lot of things from, like, my last relationship going into this one. Mm-hmm. But, like, you also wanna be, like, attracted to the person. Yeah. You don't wanna be after, like, three dates like, "Ew." Four dates- Yeah ew. But- There has to be, like, a kind of balance where it's like you're not... Because I think a lot of times when you're very excited to see them again, it's because you're getting, like, they're kind of closed off. Yeah. It's like a little bit of mixed signals almost. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And that's what makes, like, our brains be like, "Oh my God, I need him to ask me out again," because you- Totally aren't feeling fully validated, so it's like- Which isn't, like, healthy yeah, exactly. Yeah. So when you're with someone that's, like, actually emotionally available, it doesn't feel as addictive. Yes. For sure. It just feels- And at first you can be like, "What's wrong?" I feel like Carrie in that season or that episode with Aidan where she's like, she like keeps waking up in bed and she, like, is like, "Did I forget to p- pay a bill? Did I forget to do this?" And it's like, because it's just, like, so easy and so chill. Like, there's no drama, which I fear has been a problem with mine in the past. I'd be like, "Where's the toxicity? I need it. It's fun." And it's not fun. Um, what, when was your last relationship? How long have you been single? Okay. So that's like, kind of hard to say because my last like boyfriend-boyfriend was the crazy firefighter one- Right that is, I've told you about. Mm-hmm. Um, but I did kind of date like a dentist like a, two or three months ago- Okay who ended up being literally like the biggest man child I've ever met in my entire life. Like, there is a reason he's 32 years old with an incredibly successful career and is single. It's absolutely- Yeah. I think, I, I know this sounds crazy, but I think small town single dentist, like, I think that's their MO. Yeah. We have one in my hometown of Jacksonville, North Carolina that like all the girls- Oh want to date. He's known as like the hot dentist, and it's like he actually acts like an, like an 8, 19-year-old man. It's... when you think about it, it's like that kind of gives you the ick. It's like, let me just look at these teeth for a little bit. Wait, I also, I also wanna hear more about the firefighter. Yes. Oh my God, you guys, I have... This is like my lore of Boise, is this firefighter. Like- Well, it was also so incredible because, like, it did feel like you moved to Boise. You were like, "I'm done with this. Like, fuck Boise shit." Yeah. "I need to move to the Midwest and settle down." Mm-hmm. You started dating him, it felt like from my perspective, three days after moving there, and I was like, "Well, she did it, folks." Like- Okay, tell us h- how did you meet him? Okay. So I moved, I moved here in April, but I was like back and forth a lot because I went to Boston for like three weeks 'cause my grandma got sick, and then I went to California for a little bit for a funeral, and then I came back. So, like, I settled in Boise I would say, like, end of June. No, I would say like July-ish, August. So, like, even though I wasn't, like, on the dating apps- Mm or anything. And so I got back from our family beach house in Rhode Island at the end of July, and I was like, "Okay, I'm ready. Like, I'm settled. I'm not going on trips anymore. Like, I'm ready to get into it." So I got on Hinge, and I met this guy, and we're gonna call him firefighter guy. And he, first of all, lied about his height, point-blank. That is like the first thing I will say to you immediately. And I think- How significantly? Uh, significantly. Like, he was definitely shorter than me, so, like, obviously you're not gonna openly go on a date with a man shorter than you. Right? Like, I would- So how tall, like, how tall do you think he is, and how tall did he say? Do you remember? I would say he's like 5'6", 5'7", and he said he was like 5'8", 5'9". Like- Yeah he's- Okay so, like, he like- Yeah, the classic three inches. Right, and it's like that's a cutoff- because it's around your height. Yeah. Right. But I, a girl that I knew here who... 'Cause I grew up in Pocatello, so I had, like, mutual friends from high school. They were friends with each other, 'cause I love getting their Instagram. I do like when they put their handle in their Hinge- Mm-hmm 'cause then you can, like, look at it and see if you have, like, mutual friends. Yeah. Totally. And it makes it a little bit easier. And so she followed him, and I asked her, and I was like, "What's his vibes?" And she said, point-blank, "He's super short. Like, he lives in Oregon." Imagine that coming before a personality trait. No, just that was the first thing. That was the first thing. Women are so crazy. We're so mean. We're so mean. We're so mean. Mm. But we're not gonna lie. Yeah. Like, it's the truth. She wasn't lying. Yeah. So I don't know why, I just decided to, like, go on this date. I was like, "Whatever." And he's a firefighter, and it's just like- It's hot. It's hot No- Let's just- We- my, my girlfriend and I- Let's just call it like it is me, my, my girlfriends and I in the city, we have a walk route that in the spring specifically goes by the nearest fire station- Yeah because the men are so unbelievably good-looking. Yeah the New York firefi- firefighters. I am- It's insane I'm an active donor to the LA Fire Department, and I get the mailings and I'm like, "Where the fuck is the calendar?" What do you mean? Why- like, why are you just sending me a pamphlet of the work you did this year? Send the men shirtless. Well, you guys, this is the worst part too is, like, he was in the firefighter calendar. No. He was. He was. It's part of the story. It's part of the story. It's so- Oh my God, this is incredible it's so... No, he was in the firefighter calendar. So I decided to meet up with this guy. I was like, "Whatever." But at my old apartment, it used to be connected to a brewery. So I was like, "I'm just gonna make it easy," and I'll be like, "Let's just meet at this brewery." Yeah. Like, less work for me. So I end up meeting him, walk literally down from my apartment to the brewery, and I see him, and I'm always late. I think you should always be late on a first date. Oh, yeah. Like, not super late, but, like, five, 10 minutes. Like, like five to 10 minutes, yeah. Yeah. Just to see, like, their timeline. 'Cause you never wanna get there first. Yep. You want to give them... You don't want the awkwardness of, like, whose name is it under and stuff. Mm-hmm. And I, like, love their reaction when they, like, see you for the first time. Yeah. And it's like a, "Ooh." Yeah. So I like, I remember I, like, gave him a peace sign. I was like... Which I don't know why. It's so weird. I don't do that a lot. But this is the worst part, you guys, is we're sitting there having drinks and the literal fire engine just comes rolling up behind us. And all of his buddies literally are poking out of the firetruck and they're like... And I- Wait, so he had told them the details of his date? Yep. Oh my God. Told them he was going on this date. So they, like, ride by in the firetruck and they're all like... And, like, a part of me was like, "I hate this," but another- Yeah part of me was like, "Okay. This is kind of-" Right. All the firefighters are coming to see you. You're like, "Who, me?" Yeah. It's like that heroic complex of, like, oh my God, you're, like, saving a baby from a burning building- Yeah and then you're coming home to me. Like, okay, love that. Yeah. So I ended up actually really, like... We had great conversation, so I was like, "Hey, do you wanna go up..." My h- old apartment had, like, a really cool pool with, like, a fire pit. This is where it gets crazy, ladies. Okay. But I don't know if it's crazy on his end or on my end, because I probably should have ran, but I didn't. So he was like, we get up to the thing and I, like, grab some wine from my apartment and we're sitting there, and he's like, "Okay, so I always ask girls this on a first date," and I can confirm that this is a true story because a girl that he was recently talking to, like two months ago- Mm-hmm we just had drinks together. Mm-hmm. And she confirmed that this is something that happened on a first date. Her and I- He's a firefighter around town, by the way. Oh, he is like the number one firefighter around town. So he goes, and this is a true story, you guys. He goes, "So I always ask girls, um, I tell them about the five Fs in my life. The five Fs: finance, fitness, faith, family, and fire." And then he like proceeds to go through every check mark about like if you, like He's like, "Okay, so finance, like I wanna make sure that we're always financially stable. Like that you're working, I'm working. Faith, like I want my partner to like believe in God. Like, I want our, you know, our children to be saved. I would like us to go to church. Fitness, like my partner has to be like involved with fitness, like which, I mean, like obviously you are." I was like, "What the fuck?" And- He was checking you out to make sure you look like you went to the gym no, he's checking the boxes of the five Fs. And- The, when you said five Fs, I was like, "Please be fire. Please be fire." Like fire has to be one of them. Fire's gotta be involved here. Fire. I was like, "I need you to understand my schedule's crazy. Like I can't always be home for Christmas and Thanksgiving, and like a lot of firefighters end up getting cancer 'cause the carcinogens." And I was like- Right "Okay." But like I don't know, I just like breezed past it, you guys, which is so crazy. I don't know. I don't know. I blame it- I would've been hooked at that point though too. Like I would've been like- It's like he's so mature, he's planning to start a family I'm like, "You know what?" Yeah. I'm impressed. Like I was like- Yeah "Okay. Love." Who, who among us hasn't been love bombed? Well, this is my first experience- so hence why the fuck I didn't run. Well, and it's like, and it's also like he's sharing the five Fs with me. With me, yeah. I get to hear about the five Fs on the first date, I'm s- I'm done, I'm sold. Mm. I'll marry you today. So we end up like pretty much like dating. Like after that I went on a date with him the next day, which I never do. I never do like a, a back to back. That's a little wild. Yeah. Yeah, whoa, okay. And I just like fell. He just was so Like I've never felt so beautiful to somebody. Like I remember we like went to the fair and like I was walking out of the bathroom and he like said to my friend, he was like, "She's so beautiful and I can't believe like she wants..." Like he was so in love with me. Mm-hmm. And I just like ate that shit up. Yeah. So I brought him home to my parents' house a week after meeting him in Pocatello, and I introduce him to my parents and my brother- Oh, my god my nephew, and my pregnant sister-in-law, and I'm like, "Here you go. Meet my family." And in turn he's like, "Perfect, meet mine." And I'm like, "Great. Love it." Then I meet his whole family. I meet his best friends from high school. I'm like sold. This is the person I'm gonna marry. I'm in love with this person. We get into our first fight like three weeks, four weeks in- About my cats because he's allergic. Yeah. And it was like not even like a bad fight. Like I just... I was like, "We should sleep at my house tomorrow night," or something like that. And he was like, "I can't 'cause of the cats. Like you know that." It basically got to a point where like, which again I don't know why we were talking about this, but if we were to ever live together what would I do with the cats? Yeah. And I was like, well I'm never gonna re-home my animals. Like that's just not... And my parents have offered to give him like a kennel log shot. Like I told him when I bought a house I wouldn't put carpet in anywhere, any of this stuff. So- You were like problem solving. Yeah. I was trying to. And like normally I'm not like the person in the relationship that problem solves. Like I feel like I'm the problem creator. So I was like super proud of myself. Wonderful. And we were fighting, and he had just gotten off a shift so I was trying to be super mature. Mm-hmm. And I was like, "Okay. I think I'm gonna go home. Um, let's talk about this tomorrow. Like you didn't sleep well, whatever." I leave. Literally the next day you guys, he acted like I, he walked in on me having sex with his brother. He was like, "I just don't trust you. Like I just... Like you left and I just like, I just don't know what to do with that. Like it just feels like you want me to chase after you." And I was like, "I said I'm going home and we'll talk about this tomorrow. Like at what point of that did you get come and chase after me?" I like- Yeah it was like midnight. Like what? So- And it's not like y'all were like, "Bye," like dramatically slamming the door. Slammed the door behind me. Yeah. Like you know? You were just like there's not gonna be a resolution right now. Like leave. He like was sitting there with his head like this on the couch for like 10 minutes, and I was like, okay so we're not gonna talk so like that's fine. Yeah. Like I'll just leave. And it kind of just started to go downhill after that, and it just felt like roles had almost reversed and like I was just like trying, trying, trying. Like on our one-month anniversary he went up to Stanley to, by himself, 'cause he needed to get- What is Stanley? It's like this super, super, super remote town. It's like three hours away from here. It's like all mountains. Beautiful. It's tiny. He's like, "I just need to go up to Stanley for like two or three days and just clear my head and like- Oh I just need to reset." Oh my God. And I was like- Oh, so he's gaslighter 101. Gaslighter. So I was like, "Okay. Well you can do that like on Monday, but like what if we like spent the weekend together? Like it's our, not like our anniversary, but like one month. Like let's cook dinner together." Yeah. Like I don't know. He was like, "I just didn't realize one month was that big of a deal to you." And I was like, "It's not. It's like just spending fucking time together. I don't fucking need you to show up at my house with flowers, but just like spend time with each other." Yeah. And it just started to go downhill like pretty much after that nonstop. And then around Halloween we ended up breaking up, and he like came... This is the worst part, is like the n- day before we broke up we went to a couples Halloween party together in a couples costume. So like- Oh he like left early. Wait, you've gotta tell us what it was. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It was so boring. It was so lame. Like, 'cause he's lame. He's not creative. That's great though. But he like left early 'cause he had to work the next day, so then I basically just looked like- You undress as whore. Yeah. Yeah. Like, it was like nothing. And then we broke up the next day, and we... I don't know, it just was kinda like, it was sad, didn't work out, like whatever. I went over, we had a conversation, it was whatever. So we didn't talk for, like, two or three months, and the problem is, is that his best friend from high school that he'd introduced me to, they had also just moved there, so I became super close with the wife. Totally, yeah. And- All the friends, like the friendships became meshed a little bit. Yeah, totally. So New Year's Eve rolls around, and he, like, texts me and he's like, "Hey, can we have a conversation?" And drunk me is like, "Yes, absolutely." On New Year's Eve. On New Year's Eve, yes, absolutely. So we end up, like, spending the whole night together. He asked me, he goes, "Have you slept with anybody while we, um, were, like, apart?" And I was like, "No, it's been like two months, like..." Mm-hmm. He goes... I was like, "Well, did you?" And he's like, "Yeah, I did, but I cried after." And it was, like, this whole- No. Like, emotional scene Oh my God, I cannot. To, like, I've never seen a man cry so much in my life. We, like, tried to make things work again for, like, two weeks after. Pretty much every single time, he came over one night to have a conversation. We ended up going out to get In-N-Out, coming back, he ended up spending the night, but he, like, texted this girl because he had plans to go skiing with this girl the next day, and he texted her at, like, 8:00 PM and he was like, "Hey, sorry, like, my plans have changed." And I was like, "So were you just coming over here, like, in the hopes, like, if it didn't work out you would go on a date tomorrow, like, with this girl to go skiing?" Like, what- Right, like he waited until he knew The, like, last minute. That we were good. Yeah. So the nail in the coffin was, it was, like, two weeks after and I was like, "I wanna be back together. Like, I don't..." And he was like, "I just need more time to think." And I was like, "No. The fact you don't know- Mm-hmm that's the answer in itself." He proceeds to show up at my house, at my apartment, at, like, midnight. He's like, we're sitting there, I'm, like, sobbing 'cause I'm like, "Can we just..." It's just so disgusting, you guys. I was like, "Can we just make it work? Like, just being stupid and drunk." And then he's, like, crying on my, like, doormat in my apartment. My poor, like, next door neighbor, she has, like, a Disney mat. She's probably like, "What is happening outside?" And he's, like, sitting there crying, crying, crying, crying. This was, like, a Wednesday. Saturday rolls around. We're like, we haven't spoken, we're no longer talking. Mm-hmm. I get a call from my friend, and she's like, "Oh my God, I just went to go pick up a dress from my friend that I cycle with," and she's like 23, 24. And so she's like, "Hey, this guy that I've been seeing, um, we're out and about, like, running errands. Can we just drop it off to you?" So she's like, "Yeah, for sure. I'm at Albertsons." So they pull up to Albertsons to drop off the dress. No. And it's him. Motherfucker. Oh. Three months later with a 23-year-old. And you- That she's been seeing. Yeah. Funny. Lost my shit on him. I absolutely did, and I stand 10 toes on it. I was like- Good Oh my God "You're disgusting." Did you call him or just send him like a text? I just texted him and I was like, "I don't know who the crocodile tears were, for me or for you, because I didn't believe them clearly, and this is why. Like, you're disgusting. If you're ever gonna make it work with somebody, then you need to actually like put forth effort, like be a good person." Anyways, never heard from him. Um, ended things with that girl after three months. Starts dating this other girl in April. Starts dating her for three months, ends things with her. Starts dating this girl that I just had drinks with and like- so like I got to sit down and get everything from her, like- That's amazing he just... And it like almost made me feel better, 'cause I was like, 'cause she was like, "Oh yeah, like he would, you know, make comments about stuff I would wear," and he would do that to me. He would be like, "Okay, so when we meet my parents, like just don't wear something like cropped or like with your nipples out." Oh my God. Oh my God. Like, yeah. Oh really? 'Cause I was gonna just wear a bra if that was the case. I went to a pride night in like, with like a bunch of my gay friends here, and I was wearing this like lacy lingerie top, and I ended up changing like right before. I think it's just 'cause like it was uncomfortable. I don't remember... It wasn't because of him. Yeah. But I remember he was like, "Thank you so much for changing, like I appreciate you so much." And I'm like- Oh my God. Oh my God I didn't change for you, and also why do you care? They're, they're gay guys. They're not looking at me. Yeah. They don't care. And you guys, still to this day, he absolutely despises me. I ran into him like a month ago. He just still like, at, um, Dirk's Bentley in August, he was there with his girlfriend and I was there with some of our mutual friends, and he still to this day like pulled one of them aside, like a couple weeks ago, and was like, "I just don't understand like why you lied about being there with Nikki." And she was like, "I didn't lie. Like, I just, y- like that's not your business. You have a girlfriend." Yeah. Like who the fuck care? Yeah, why do you care? And you've dated everyone, so it's like I can't possibly like keep track. My best friend who I had met through him, who like came to my birthday last year, all that, he, she like texted me in like November, December, and she was like, "I'm so sorry, but unfortunately our friendship is affecting my marriage because it's affecting firefighter boy so much," and it's like pissing him off so much that we're still friends, he's taking it out on her husband. Oh. So like, um- So he just like, he just like, he's living in his own world, and he just wants everyone to be unhappy around him if he's not happy. Yeah. And I'm like, "So you're gonna live your whole life just like being friends- Mm with the girls he dates and then just not like... Every girl he dates- It's not gonna work until it's his wife or whatever. Yeah. He's, I don't think he'll ever get married. No. No. I don't think he'll ever find somebody, like it's just, it's crazy, and here we are like a year and a half later, like it will be two month, two years in August since I've dated him. Oh. And we're still going through this Oh my God. We're still going? Okay, so I have a, I have a good follow-up question for you, um, because I, y- some of these mannerisms of his are so interesting to me. What did you expect when, like, moving from California, moving from the OC, like, moving from there to Boise, what did you expect would be different about dating in, in Boise? And, like, what did you think would, would be the same? Well, I mean, men are just men everywhere. So, like, I always knew that was gonna be a thing. Like, I didn't think- I would, like, move here and they would just be, like, the nicest people in the world. Completely, yeah. I expect, I had thought that maybe moving here they would be a little bit more on my timeline of wanting to, like- Mm settle down. Mm-hmm. Versus in California, everything is so, like, quick-paced, which is so fair. Like- Yeah when I look at my friends in Idaho and my friends in California who are married with kids, primarily most of them are in Idaho. Like, most of my friends in California, aside from, like, two of my besties, are still single, like, doing the exact same thing as me. So I definitely thought that. And I, I think that for the most part, like, one thing, a big change I've noticed in LA guys and Idaho guys is every time I would, like, reach out and talk to guys in California they always had, like, the same job, they always had the same O, like- Mm-hmm it was finance. But when I came to Idaho, like, they all had, like, like, there's a lot of firefighters here, and there's, like, a lot of wild land firefighters here. Mm-hmm. And there's a lot of, like, cowboy ranchers. Like, that was a big thing. Like, when the rodeo comes into town and, like, all of the cowboys are there. Wow. So, like, the jobs and, like, just the- That's so much hotter. Oh my God. Than, than a keyboard warrior. No, literally. Oh my God, you guys, the bull riders are so hot. It's stupid. Like- literally watch Country Strong and then I'm like, "Okay, I'm ready for the rodeo." But it just is, like, a different, like, I don't know, you just, there's more variety I guess. I don't know why. 'Cause it's, like, a smaller place, but there was just more, like, exciting jobs. Like, I've dated, like- It's, like, men and men jobs. Yes. Like, that's what it is. Men doing what men are supposed to do. Yeah. Like, I dated, like, a guy who did, like, a nurse in the army. Mm. I dated, like, a firefighter, like, a dentist. Like, they all have, like, kinda like... Well, the dentist actually, like, he's not manly at all. But, like, you know what I mean? Like- Yeah job where you're, like, providing- It's not, like, creative director and- Right like, yeah, agent and yeah. But then I still ended up with a finance guy. Yes. So, like, you can take a girl out of California, but, like, you can't. Yeah. She, she found the one DJ in the, in all of the Midwest. Exactly. Um, I think, the only- stereotype that we have, like, for Midwest guys is, like, nice, like, friendly. Is there a typical, like, Boise guy? Um, and are most of the people from Idaho? Is there, like, a stereotype, or what have you found the guys are like? One thing I've noticed here a lot is I think in, like, especially when I was... And maybe it's just an older thing, but specifically, like, in California, guys are kinda just, like, who they are right out of the gates. Like, they just kinda like, "Oh, yeah, this is who I am." Like, obviously you'll get a guy here and there who, like, lies about it, but I feel like for the most part, like, the guys I've dated here, you have to date them for, like, two or three months to really get to know who they are. Mm-hmm. I feel like they low-key put on, like, a really good, like, persona, and I don't know why. Yeah. But they do, like, a really good job for, like, three months, and then, like, you kinda start to see their true colors and you're like, "Oh. Oh, this is weird." But, like, I would say that's kind of the biggest thing. Um, a lot of them, I don't know, they're not, like, they're not, like, douchebags. Like, you can go out and you can meet, like, fun guys here and there, but Boise really is, like, a very, like, city city. Yeah. So, like, you do have, like, a bunch of different... Like, if you look at Hinge, like, you get, like, a good mixture of, like, guys standing there on their trucks with, like, a fish and, like, a gun. Mm-hmm. But you get, like, a good mixture of, like, a normal looking guy- Yeah like, at the gym. So there's, like, a happy balance of both, for sure. Mm-hmm. I- that's interesting, and it's not the same, like, obviously the, the Midwest is different than the South, but something I'm thinking about with you saying that is, like, not saying people that are born and bred in, like, New York or California, like, don't have manners, but, like, something that's really impressed upon you in the South is the importance of, like, being raised right. Right? For sure. And I, like, wonder if it's, like, kind of similar in the Midwest- Mm-hmm where, like, you say, "Yes, ma'am," you say, "Yes, sir." For sure. Like, it's easier to fool in those, in both the South and maybe the Midwest in those, like, initial months because, like, California guys maybe, and New York guys or Chicago, like, they're not pulling as many pretenses. Right. I mean, I guess Chicago's Midwest, but, like, they're, because they're showing who they are a little bit earlier out- Yeah out of the gate, whereas in the South you could be going out with this, like, Southern gentleman who actually turns out to be, like, a horrible, horrible person. I dig it. Yeah. But the foundation of being, like, having manners is there. Absolutely. I do think that's, that could definitely, definitely be a big part of it, for sure. So I, I think that we ha- we are, uh, very guilty of, like, thinking of, on a map, just the whole, Midwest as being, like, one state, like a monolith. Like, that is the middle of the country. Yeah. I, I, sh- you haven't lived in these other places, not that I know, but, are there differences between an Idaho guy and an Iowa guy, or a Wisconsin guy, or something like that? I don't know about that. I can definitely tell, 'cause, like, there's a couple, like 'Cause Boise actually has a lot of people from California- Okay that come here. Interesting, huh. It's been a big thing, and a lot of kids from, um, California go to school at BSU. Right. So you do, like, easily kind of pick out those people. Yeah. I don't know more so about, like, the Midwest part, 'cause I don't, I don't know a lot of those guys. Yeah. But, the California guys for sure you can kind of pick them out at the bars and see, like, oh, he's So what's distinguishing, what's distinguishing the California guy at the bar versus, like, the native Boise guy or whatever? Is it clothing? Is it just the way they act? Clothing for sure. You can definitely tell when people are not from Idaho 'cause they're not wearing, like, their True Religions, like, a Monster sweatshirt. Like, you know what I mean? Like, or- Like, Carhartts unironically. Or, yes, no, literally. Or, like, no, Carhartts, that's not even, like, a cute thing. Like, people just wear Carhartts out. Yeah. They just wear it to wear it. Yeah. Yeah. Like, that's, like, I'm from eastern North Carolina, it's like, it's hilarious to me that, like, Carhartt is sold in New York City, because I'm like- No, literally that's what the guys who worked on their dads' farms wore. Literally the DJ boy yesterday went fishing, and he came back and he was in Carhartt pants. Yeah. And he wore it to go fishing. Like, he wasn't, like, wearing it with- But that's, like, that's when you are allowed to wear it. Like, I don't want to see it at a bar in Silver Lake. Yeah. I want to see it before you go fishing. Right. We also have, like, different types of bars here. So we have country bars, and then, like, we actually have a pretty good, like, mixture of, like, EDM, like, house music bars with, like, DJs. So you can obviously tell too when you go to those bars. Mm. Yeah. If you go to, like, Penn Gillie's downtown or, like, Mulligan's, you know you're getting more of, like, the, you know, Idaho, like, farm style boys versus if you're going to, like, Amsterdam or, like, Space Banana, then you're like, "Oh." Space Banana. I love that. Yeah, these are incredible bar names. Yeah. Dirty Little Rabbits is the funnest one. And they have a bull. It's so fun. Okay, amazing. I love that. You talked a little bit about, like, seeing different guys, but how are the dating apps in Boise and, like, compared to being in SoCal? Like, what are the differences you've noticed there? Honestly, like, it's just... I- I've noticed a lot here, too, and I didn't notice it that much in California, but there's a lot of people on the apps here who look for, like, um, threesomes. Like, married couples. Yeah. I think that's- Who are, like- I think that's everywhere. I think it's rising everywhere. Yeah. 'Cause I've noticed it more recently- Yeah here, and I think it... Which is, like, there are specific apps for that, so I don't know why they're doing it on Hinge. Maybe they're just, like, putting it all out, like, to see how many bites they can get. Yeah, I- Are there specific apps for threesomes? There's an app called Feeld- Sure that's, like, specifically for- Oh, that's right. Yeah. Kink. Okay, okay, okay. Um- There's an app for any- there's an app for anything. What am I saying? I've noticed a lot of that. Like, you guys, sometimes it's just, like, super discouraging. Like, I would have to, like... I'd have Hinge for, like, a month or two, and then I would delete it. Yeah. Yeah. Because you just go through it, and, like, it's just, it's, like, discouraging. You're like- Totally is this really all... 'Cause I don't wanna meet a guy out at the bars, realistically. Like, not really. Yeah. And I don't go to the bars enough. Yeah. I don't really wanna meet a guy at work. I don't love, like, working with the person you end up with. So it's like, what do I do? Stand outside of, like, a hospital or, like, a courthouse waiting for, like, a doctor or lawyer? Like- Yeah, that was gonna be my next question. Like, if not the apps, what else is the, what else has worked, or have you had experience, like, with any other method- of picking up guys? So the nurse, the military nurse guy that I dated, so he's from Pocatello. Um, he is a nurse. He used to work at the hospital here in Boise. Mm-hmm. Um, I think since then he's now back in Pocatello, but, um, so he went to high school at my high school, but he was a little younger than my brother, so a little younger than me. He's like 2001. Didn't go to high school with him, but my friend who, um, I'd met through the firefighter, she's a nurse, so she was like, "Hey, do you know this guy? Like, he says he's from Pocatello," whatever. Um, and I looked him up, and obviously I, like, saw, like, a bunch of the, like, girls I used to teach dance to when they were kids, like, follow him. And so I was like- Great "Oh, yeah- Yep I do know him," but, like, he's, like, super young. Mm-hmm. Um, and so anyways, one night I was out in January last year, and I s- ran into him at a bar, and I just was like, "Hey, are you And he was like, "Yeah, are you Nikki?" Um, and so I... Like, that was really fun. Yeah. And honestly, he's a great guy. Love him to death. He's just young. He's like 24. The younger ones are for fun, yeah. Like, 24, 25. And, like, we had a blast. Like, nobody loves you more than a younger man. No, no. Like, truly nobody loves you more than a younger man, and nobody makes you feel, like, more special or, like, hot than a younger man, but it's, like, just a short amount of time. Yeah. Yes. It, it, it's not, like, especially where I was like, "I'm looking for a husband," and then I come back and I date- Like- like, a 24-year-old. Yeah. I'm wondering, like, I wonder if you can meet, like, one of the dentist's clients. Like, are there, like, eligible men coming in to get their teeth cleaned? Yeah. No, and this is the best part, you guys, is, like, I literally have access to see, like, are they married? Right. Do they have a fam- Oh, yeah. Yeah. And the other funny part is too is, and it's fine to say this because, um, he doesn't go to the dentist office anymore, but my firefighter ex used to go there. So when I got the job there, I, like, would hide when he was there 'cause I was like, "I don't wanna see him. Like, he doesn't wanna see me." Yeah. And when I had drinks with that girl the other day she was like, "Yeah, he'd mentioned that, you know, you work there," and he's going to a new dentist office now. He can't even, like, bear the thought of seeing you- Being in the same building at his, like, biannual, like, dentist appointment. Literally every six months, and I, like, hid the first time. I was like, "I wanna see you just as much- Right as you wanna see me, trust me." Yeah. Oh my God, the drama. But that's, like, always... 'Cause, like, as a spin instructor and as working in a dentist office- Yeah like, you truly see everybody. Yeah. I was gonna say, this is actually like a Hallmark, like- Yeah. I bet sometimes it does feel like a Hallmark small town. Oh, you guys, I... It's the craziest thing. Yeah. Like, I'll just be out, like, and I feel like I, like, can't drink or anything or, like, can't talk about it because, like, everybody goes to the dentist. So everybody knows who you're talking about if you're, like, out and about talking about it. Yeah. That's so funny. It's so hard, but it's so fun 'cause you meet a lot of people that way. Yeah. Mm-hmm. But it does just make it kind of, it does make it kind of funny and sticky- Yeah, yeah in some situations. No, I don't think I could date the patients. I think that, I think like HIPAA probably has something with that. Yeah. I don't know. You like get his number from your chart, and he's like, "What the hell?" That would be so- It's not okay. Yeah perfectly reasonable. "Hi, just s- just wanna schedule your next cleaning." He's like, "I literally went in two days ago." Like, He's like, "I did schedule it. It's on the calendar." We're booked out. I'm good. Um, is there anything, and this can be like dating or otherwise, that shocked you, like moving back to Idaho as an adult, having like lived over here, like things that you forgot about being in the Midwest? Honestly, like yeah, like the three-month thing, I- that's a, that's a very- Yeah brand-new thing for me. Uh-huh. And I've been saying it a lot to my friends now too. Like when I was in California, that was never a big thing. Like obviously, you know, you gotta- Of course get to know somebody. But- Yeah that's like my go-to rule now- Yeah with dating for me or my friends is it's three months. I don't believe you for three months. Scientifically, somebody told me this, I've actually never done the research on it, but I believe them, but scientifically, you can only fake something for like three months. Oh, interesting. Mm. Which I feel like kind of tracks. Like I don't know- Yeah about people who are like detectives and go undercover. Yeah. Like that's their job, it's a different story. But- Or like true narcissists, like- Right. Yeah. So like that's been something, like even with this guy that I'm seeing right now, green flags all around. Yeah. 12 out of 10. Made me breakfast before I taught my spin class this morning. Like- Nice incredible person. But I know, like I'm not gonna do th- I'm not gonna do it for three months. I did the introducing the parents in a month. Mm-hmm. I did all of that, like you learn from the past. But that's been like probably the biggest thing for me is just, and again, I don't know if it's with just getting older or like having moved and like changing my scenery, but like people are not, they're just not who they're they are in the beginning. I need to have like my group of people that I trust and I connect with. And like everybody else, like it's fun seeing them out and about, and like you're prone to see people out and about in Boise. Like you are. Yeah. If you think you're not, you're lying to yourself 'cause you're gonna see them everywhere. Yeah. You're gonna see them at the grocery store with a 23-year-old. You're gonna see them at the freaking dentist office. Like you're gonna see them everywhere. And yeah, just kind of, I don't know, trust, I guess, would be my biggest thing that I've learned since leaving California, which is kind of ironic. 'Cause I feel like- Yeah when I left California I was like, I just feel like people like... Obviously I have my core group there that I love and trust with my life, but- A lot of people, which, I mean, Meg, you could say the same thing about LA, it's kind of surface level. Yeah, for sure. It's kind of fake, like fake people, fake relationships. So it's interesting coming here, and one of my biggest lessons was- Yeah trust. Yeah. And I'm like, "Oh, weird. Moving to Boise, like- Mm-hmm that's where it slaps me in the face? Okay. Cool. But it's like guys are just assholes up front in LA. Like, you, you know on the first time, they're not, like pretending, because, like I think what Sunset was saying is such a good point. It's like they don't h- there's no, like pretenses that their parents require them to like have- Right like you have to treat women this way. They're like, "Open your own door, bitch." Right. Versus here you're like, "Oh my God, I think this is a good guy," and then like- Yeah a couple weeks down the road you're like, "Holy shit, you're horrible." Yeah, yeah. And then one month in he's like, "Fuck you and your cats." Yeah. Like They're darker in ways that a California man could never even be. Oh my God, no, you guys, like my ex-boyfriend from California, like the ex, like the love of my life who I thought I would end up with, like we still talk probably once a month. Sent me the nicest birthday like text message ever, and I was like- Yeah never in my life... I said this to him. I go, "Never in my life did I ever think you would be my favorite ex, ever." Like, I hated you, and now we're like besties. Yeah. Like, I'm like, "Oh, cool. What are you doing this weekend?" Like... Oh my God. It's crazy. It's- Yeah, it's the same and it's crazy too how sometimes, like those smaller relationships where so much happens can hurt so bad, but then like you can be with somebody for like four or five years and like break up, and it's like- Yeah it feels bad. But like those short relationships, they like do you, do you dirty. Well, 'cause I feel like in those relationships, the shorter ones, it's kind of just like you feel like you just got hit by a car. Like, everything was moving so quickly that it feels like- Oh my I just got fucking, like blindsided. Yeah. I think the rush of it or the excitement of it, wherever you are, is just like, what the fuck just hap- Yeah. It feels like something happened to you almost. Mm-hmm. And it's like- And it's like hard to move past those situations- Yes when it's happened so fast versus like when, you know, it plays out and like- Yeah you kind of see both sides. Like, I think that's why it took me so long with firefighter guy. Like, obviously I fucking see it now. But like for the first couple months, 'cause like it just happened so fast and you're just kinda like, "Wait a minute, like is it something I did? Is it something..." And like you kinda have to like replay everything and like- Yeah It's just, it's hard to move past. Yeah. And then once you're able to put the dots together and you're like, "Oh yeah, fuck no," like dot- bullet dodged right there. Right. Yeah. But it's a mind fuck, and it's like when you're processing a slower, like, longer relationship, like you're, you're able to, like, process it- I was gonna s- and move forward yeah, I was gonna say the same thing, Megan. Yeah, and you have time- Like, in longer relationships, it feels like- Right you're, you're having time to process, actually- Yeah as things are going, whereas with the short, like, blips, you haven't even had time to digest. Yeah. No, for sure. You have to do all of that after. For sure. And you don't know them as well. Like, when you've- Yeah been dating somebody for so long, like, you know who they are at their heart, you know their, like, core values, you know this. And I think that was my big- biggest red flag, at least with the firefighter guy, is my biggest thing I remember just saying to, like, my mom and stuff was, I feel so stupid because I remember saying... I remember calling Meg, I remember calling Jackie, and I remember being like, "This is not a guy I would normally go for." Yeah. Like, I was proud of myself for picking somebody who I thought was going to be such a good guy, and like, I remember just being like, this is not somebody I would pick. Like, I'm really, like- Yeah going, like... And then they just turn out to be the exact opposite of everything you thought. And you, like, try to be smart about it and you try to do this. Mm-hmm. And it still ends up that way, and it's just- Yeah disappointing. Yeah. Yeah, and- And that's what sucks, is like, then you end up being hard on yourself, but I think- Yeah the more that you realize that, like, every woman, like, i- once you're single for a certain amount of time, like, has that one experience that, like, we all can relate to- Yeah where it was just like the whirlwind, I got completely bamboozled and made a fool of myself. And like- Yeah I lived to tell the tale. And it's like, you know, that's like, there, there's no way to, like, outsmart these guys because they're just- No yeah, playing a, playing a game that, like, no one is used to. But it's also like, I've heard somebody say this before and I actually, like, love this saying, it's like, for so long I kept going through my head like, "How could he do this? Why would he do this?" Mm-hmm. Like, doesn't make sense. But the reason why I can't understand, like, why we w- don't understand is because we can't do that to people. Yeah. Yeah. So therefore we can't put ourselves in their shoes, because you're just like, I- I can't, I can never imagine doing that. So like I- Yeah can't try to- Yeah like, simplify it or, like, put myself in your shoes because, like, it doesn't make sense to me. Yeah. And thank God it doesn't. Yeah. Yeah. Because I wouldn't want to. Mm-hmm. Like, what the fuck? Totally. It's like the- the phrase, like, we were p- I was playing checkers, he was playing chess. It's like- Yeah he was playing chess, you were like, "We're playing a game?" Like- Right it's not a game. Literally. What? Yeah. I had no idea. Yeah. Like, mm-mm. Wait, okay, so major pivot. Describe your ideal dream date in Boise. It can be a full day, it can be a full evening. Oh, gosh. Take us multiple locations. Whatever. Oh, gosh. In Boise? Yes. And get as- Um specific as you want. Like names of- Yeah restaurants, whatever, names of bars. I wanna hear more names of bars. Yeah, same. Bars here are very creative. There's one called just Bar Please. Just straight up Bar Please. Yeah, why not? Um, oh, gosh, probably like Oh my God, I don't even know. Like, I can't even tell you the last time, like, I w- went out on, like, a date-date like that. So, like, this probably sounds crazy, but, like, maybe doing something, like, during the daytime, like going wine tasting or whatever. Ooh, yeah. And then, I don't know, like, I'm such a quality time person. Like, probably, like, there's, like, a lot of hot springs here, which would be really fun to go to- Oh, cool and, like, they have, like, private pools, which would be really fun. Um, probably doing something like that, like super intimate, like going wine tasting during the day and then doing, like, a hot pool at night and just kinda like spending time together. But I also think, like, I'm such a big person, I love my partner meeting my friends. Mm-hmm. I think that's, like And it's also really attractive to me when they, like, get along with them and stuff. Yes. Yeah. So even doing something like meeting up at a happy hour, like, with some friends, and then, like, there's a couple fun karaoke places down here called Terry's. They have a Merry Terry Christmas. Meg, you would love it. Okay. Um, something like that. Um, a summer's super fun, like we have a lot of outdoor concerts, so even, like, just kinda like getting some wine and stuff and, like, going and- Yeah sitting at, like, the outside of a concert and just listening to it. Like, I'm not, I don't know, I like kinda just I'm such a homebody, so I do like doing stuff, like, at the house and, like, being private and, like, you can, like, you know, fool around and stuff if you're at your house, so it's easier. No, these are all good. So it's like- Good ideas that was so hometown date coded. Like, you literally- Well, like, I It was so, like, Bachelorette. Like, I love it. No, I'm like- Also- Part of Nikki's lore is she was almost on The Bachelor. Wait, what? What? Yeah. Season Wait, you have to tell more details. Um, our mutual fr- Jackie, you know Jackie. Yeah. She s- sent in a application for me. Um, oh my God, Meg, I forgot about this. Wait, also- I think it- Like, if anybody was gonna send an application for you, like, that's the person you want to edit your video- Absolutely I feel like, right? Yeah. Absolutely. She's, like, the one gassing me up for sure. Like- Right um, she's probably, like, Photoshopping pictures of me in, like, different places, whereas, like, I'm literally just in one place all the time but she can, like, do that. So she sent in an application for me, and I got a call. It was, like, July of 2021, so it was the first season back in the mansion after COVID. Mm-hmm. And, um, I got an email one day, 'cause I remember I woke up from a nap and it was like, "Hey," like, "you've been, you know, we're interested in you for The Bachelor," like, the next season. And I literally thought it was a joke, so I, like, screenshotted it and sent it to Jackie and Jasmine. And Jackie was like, "No, I, I sent it in for you. Like, that's legit. That's real." And I was like, "No fucking way." So I did a phone interview, and then I moved on to the next one, which was they send you, like, you have to record a video of you talking, and they send you, like, all these prompts, and you have to, like, go through your house and, like, show them your house and, like, talk about, like, past relationships and, like, trauma. Like, you know. Yeah. Right. Your, your traumatic story. Just rip your heart out of your chest. Yeah. Who has died in your life, and, like- how can we forget it? Like... And so then I made it to the third round, which was in LA, so I, like, went up to the production studio, and I, like, took pictures and stuff, and I met with, like, the team. I don't know if it was, like, the casting team or- This is so cool but I, like, went up, and I, like... My hairdresser actually lived up there, so she, like, curled my hair and stuff for me that day. And then I remember I went to the grocery store before, and I bought, like, a little bottle of prosecco, and the total was, like, $11.11 or something. Oh, my God. So I remember being like, "Oh, my God, it's meant to be. I'm gonna go on The Bachelor." 'Cause I, like, swigged it really quick, and then I went in, and they just asked me, like, questions, and you could definitely tell they were trying to ask me things like, "Who's a girl in the past that you thought was, like, a red flag or, like, stirred the pot?" Like- Mm-hmm. Or how do you deal with, like, the drama and stuff? How would you handle that situation? Yeah. Yeah. Like, you can tell. Or they were like, "Who's been your favorite Bachelor in the past?" Like, stuff like that. Mm-hmm. Um, and I remember I went through, like, a bunch of questions with Jackie. Like, she was like- Mm-hmm "Okay, they're gonna ask you stuff like this." Yeah. Like, she was like, "You don't wanna be, like, non-problematic fully. You wanna be, like, a little problematic." Yeah. Like, you wanna be on there. And I was like, "Okay, okay." Aw. Um, but then the worst part was is because it was, which I understand, but it was because it was the first season back in the mansion, I needed to get the COVID shot, but I have a blood disorder where my, I, it's called ITP. Mm. And so I couldn't get it. Like, I, like, medically couldn't get the COVID shot or, like, I could have, like, a risk of, like, clotting. Yeah. Right. Which I feel like if it wasn't the year after COVID, they probably would've been more lax about it. Yeah. Yeah, totally. But because it was the first season back in, they were like- It was a non-starter. Yeah. And so, and they, they didn't tell me, like, straight up. They were just like, "Okay," like, "we'll get back to you. We'll get back to you." Yeah. And I was like, "Okay." Yeah. And I kinda knew walking away, and they gave me, like, this, like, swag bag with, like, a s- Aw like, a Bachelor shirt and, like, a Bachelor pen. Like, a magnet. I was like, "Thanks." Like, literally at, like- Oh my God the production, like, the- whole building, and they're like- Yeah "Here's your spark bag." I was like, "Thank you." And then I, like, never heard from them. But honestly, it's fine because looking back on it, I'm such a crucial, like, such a hard person with social media, and if, like, I would've been on it, people are like, "You're fat and you're a liar." I'd be like, "You're right." I do suck. Wait, and was The Bachelor good that season, or was he, like, 40? No, it wasn't. So I'm super happy. Yeah. Wait, let me show you who it was. No, I'm super happy. He was, like, the season where everybody, um... He was the season where everybody, uh, like, left early. There was, like, a couple girls who, like, left early. No. 'Cause they were like, "Mm, no." It was this guy. So that's the one I was supposed to be on. Oh, freak. Clayton? Absolute freak. Ew, he's- Yeah actually disgusting. Yeah, that's the worst possible person he's the worst possible one. I just watched, or Perfect Match on Netflix. Yes. Freak. Absolute freak. So I was like- He's disgusting you would've hated it. Like, Nikki, you would've hated it too. He's a to- you would've hated it, yeah. Yeah. And that's where I'm also like, I don't wanna go, like, I don't want this just, like... I can't, I can't fake it with- I can't fake it with a guy. Like, I can't. I know. See, it's like, yeah, it wouldn't have worked anyway. Um, okay, what's something, if you can, and you can think of it or you can say, like, "I don't know, I can, I can't think of anything," what's something that's a red flag dating in the Midwest that would not be a red flag in Southern California, and maybe vice versa? Like, what's something that's a red flag in SoCal that's not in the Midwest? Okay, well, I feel like for me it's still kind of a red flag, but, like, dating guys with guns here. Yeah. That's such a good one, yeah. Is it so common? Like, everybody's got a gun? Yes, everybody. I'm sure, yeah. Everybody. Oh my God, you guys, I've slept with, like, two guys who had guns under their bed. Right. And I thought of the Taylor Swift lyric the whole time. I was like, "Did you s-..." Like, the whole time I was, like, uneasy and I'm like, "Ugh, this is weird." Yeah. Like... And I get it. Yeah. Like, my, the firefighter boy and I when we went camping one time, like, I get why he brought it. Like- Yeah safety purposes and stuff. Right. But, um, no, probably that, which it's the, like, it is a little scary. It's just a lot to think, like, I'm a woman. Right. You know? Just a guy who might snap, you know? Like, you hear those stories, so just kinda- Yeah prob- like, let's just, like, not, like, put it in your hands. Like, let's just not- Yeah. like, give you the opportunity, you know what I mean? Like, can, can we lock it up and, like, only I know the code? Like, how- Yeah. exactly. Uh, probably that, but, like, I guess maybe, like, personality, like, talking-wise, um- I do think it's more common to move faster here. Mm-hmm, yeah. And I think it's easy to get confused with love bombing here- Mm-hmm and with just moving fast. Yeah. 'Cause I do think some guys truly do have, like, a good intention with it, and they just genuinely are like, "You know, I'm, like, looking for that person." Yeah. You know what I mean? Like- And then I think there's- like, you're gonna move on. Right. And then there's also, like, the other hand who's, like, just a fucking asshole. Yeah. So I think that's probably some of it too. What advice do you have for women who are, like, thinking about moving back to the Midwest from a coastal city and, like, making that change? I would just say, like, don't... Just, like, don't expect things to change. Like, no matter if you're, like, changing your scenery- Mm-hmm like, at the end of the day, like, people are still people. Mm-hmm. Men are still men. Yeah. Like, it is what it is. You're gonna, like, you're still gonna have to go through the hundreds and thousands to find them. But don't think by, like, changing your scen- scenery and moving back home, 'cause I think for, like, a little bit of me, I thought, like, "Oh, my God, I'm gonna have, like..." Like you were saying earlier, like, the Hallmark experience. Yeah. Like, I'm gonna move back home and I'm gonna get married- Prince sweeps off my feet. Yeah right. And then it's just, like, boom, gonna be done. Like, how, like, when girls go on their, like, missions in the LDS and they're, like, supposed to be married with, like, a year and a half. Yeah. Like, after they get back. Like, that's what I thought. I was like, "Well, I'll be married." And it does happen. They're very- Right. They're very good at it. For them it does. For me it didn't. But I guess I would just say, like, don't move back thinking, like, at the end of the day, you still are, like, the catalyst of your own life. Yeah. Like, you're still making your own decisions. You still have to make things happen. And don't be surprised if you're still meeting assholes, because it is what it is. They just have, like, a better disguise on because, I don't know, it's easier. Like, they have the time to- Yeah 'cause it's Boise, Idaho. Right. They have time. Well- He's a fucking firefighter. He has, like, four days of the week. He works, like, two days a week. Like- And then the rest of the time he's scheming. He's boring. Like- No, when he said he needed to take that weekend to think, I was thinking- Yeah this man has been thinking too much. Right. Literally, stop thinking. You don't need to go eat, pray, love up in fucking Stanley. Like, just fucking plot your shit down here, you dumbass. Like, I hate you. It's insane. But I was gonna say, it does feel like when you moved, like, it It wasn't like, "Okay, I have to move so I can find a man." It was like you were ready to buy a house. Yeah. You were ready to, like, make better, forward-looking decisions in general, build a life for yourself. Like, you started doing the training for Spen, like, soon after. So you had all of these reasons, like, outside of- wanting to settle down. That was just a piece, so I feel like also- For sure. That was just- It wasn't like you were like, "Oh, let me go find a man." You were like, "This is where I wanna build my life. Hopefully I'll also find a guy in the process, but I'm gonna go and get started building the life that I want regardless." I think moving in your older ages, older age, it's fun because it kinda feels like the way I described it to her is it's almost like college again. Mm-hmm. But instead of being like 18 and you're like, "Holy shit, I'm living by myself," like I don't know what's left from right, up from down. Yeah. You're... It's the same feeling, like you're going to a new place, you're meeting new people, but you have more of like a ground of who you are and what you want. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So it's still really exciting and it's still super fun- Mm-hmm because you're like, it's that new feeling of like, "Holy shit, I feel like a freshman again." It's so exciting, but you have- Yeah it's like what they say with like your 30s, where it's like- Yeah like your 20s again but you just have like adult money and you know who you are. You know who you are a little bit more. You still have to put in the work, you still have to find those opportunities, and you can do it. And also, too, when you have that change of scenery and it's like a breath of fresh air, you're more eager to go out and find those opportunities. Mm-hmm. So what's new, what's, what can I find? Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Like- It puts a fire under your ass lean into that, too. Yeah. Right. For sure. 'Cause it's like so new and you're like, "Oh my God, what can I find here?" Like, it's just so fun. Makes me wanna up and move to a brand-new place. Maybe you should. Maybe I should. No, I actually am up and moving to a brand-new place soon. S- and I think this is true- Where are you moving? I'm moving to Dallas, Texas in a couple of months. Yeah. My husband and I are moving, and I don't know a single person in Dallas, so if, if anyone does know, please connect me with friends. Um, but it's- I don't know my friend who lives in Texas, but I think it might be Austin. But let me look. Okay. I will be... It- it's one of those things where I'm so glad I'm moving there at 30 and not at 18, 'cause I didn't know- Yeah who I was at 18. Yeah. And now I know who I am at 30. No, I think that's such a good point. And I know who I wanna be friends with and who- Mm-hmm the types of people I honestly wanna avoid. Like- Right like, and so same what you were saying, like I, I have, I only have so much room in my life and I want those friend- friendships to be legitimate, and I'm really excited about that. But, um, yeah, I think that you're just- One thing- a little bit more discerning in, in- Mm-hmm in your 30s. Yeah. That's exactly what I was just gonna say. Somebody told me this a couple weeks ago before turning 30, and I actually have started to see it, but you like put your foot down more. And not in a way- Yeah where it's like a bitchy way or like- you're being an asshole, just in a way- Yeah where you're like, "Mm, no, sorry, this isn't serving me." Yes. Yeah. And I don't have, I just don't have the emotional or time for this. Like, we're busy. We're adults. We have jobs. Mm-hmm. We have outside things. We have relationships. Like, we have so much time. I'm not gonna... If this isn't serving me, I'm sorry, I'm gonna be selfish and put my foot down. Yeah. Sorry. I don't care. Yeah. 100% agree. Yeah, you only have time to do what you want. Yeah. You know? Like, that's the reality. Okay, so our very last question for you, are you optimistic about the date of the union in Boise? No. No. Is that our first no, Megan? Yeah, that's our first no. That's our first no. No. Absolutely not. Says the girl who's- I don't even know why- actually dating someone Yeah, you're also the person who talked about that dating someone right now too. You guys, it's also been, like, a month though. Like, okay, also DJ boy, you're the best, but I'm just saying, it's a month. You heard my three- Yeah three-month rule. Right. Like, you heard it. You're still- I will ask you in two months yeah, you're still in your trial phase. Yes. Yeah. Ask me, like, let's check back in in... Give a... Ask me June 19th. And then we'll go from there. I love that. That was amazing. Thank you for your honesty. Yeah, of course. I don't even know why I sat and paused on that for a minute. Immediately, I s- no. That's incredible. Our first no was actually incredible. Thank you guys so much. This was so fun. I feel like I could just yap with you guys forever. I know. It's too much fun. It's too much fun. I love it. You guys, Alex Cooper can eat shit. She's got nothing on you guys. So sorry. I'm like- Well, seems like, you know- That's the new intro. Okay, wait, this was amazing. Yay. So nice to meet you, Nikki. I love you both. Bye. Mwah. Oh, gosh, bye.

Speaker 2 1:12:10

Okay guys, thanks so much for listening to this week's episode. Please rate and review and follow us on Instagram. God bless our listeners, and God bless the single women of the United States.